Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Friday, August 25, 2006

ANTM YAYYYYYY

Marci and My FAVORITE show in the whole wide world (America's Next Top Model) will be back to the UPN on September 20 with a TWO!HOUR!SPECIAL! YAY!!!! Normally a show is about an hour, but between the wine refills, the snarky comments and discussions, and the incessant rewinding and pausing of the show, it usually takes up to 2 hours for the B. Banana and me to get through a show. A two hour show is going to take FOUR! And as I am the holder of the remote, I have to say sorry Marce. But you want more whine wine, right?

I am so excited. A brand new batch of girls to love and to hate. Weird attitudes, styles and teeth to admire! I wonder who the psycho bitch will be? Who will be the first to cry? Who will be the first to cheat on her boyfriend? So many questions!!! Start the show now! (Have any of the previous six winners beome top models? I only see the girls on Veronica Mars and ANTM Recaps.)

I think this girl will be bitchy.






And this is the vapid succubus who will excise your intelligence. (I'm probably going to lo-oooove her.) She will cry if they her hair short.






Then, did you know the girl from The Ring has a twin? And they are on the show... Why? I believe that Michelle will be the first to cry and maybe these two will have twin speak and drive the others crazy. MAYBE they will kill everyone else in the house? That would make for excellent tv watching.

I'm going to have to restock my wine cabinet! I cannot wait!

*Blogger is being a butt and not allowing me to upload more photos. I wanted to put up a picture of The Ring girl for comparison and also my prediction for my favorites on ANTM. But it won't let me. Enough photos for one day, Bug, it says. Hmph.

Ordinary?

Okay, it is well known that I often mis-hear song lyrics. Here I am at my desk listening (way too loudly) to Train's song "Ordinary". The first line really throws me for a loop.

"Whose eye's in my behind?"

Errr?

I am not sure what he means by this? Someone eye is up in his bum? Like Sammy Davis Jr. taking his glass eyeball and shoving it where the sun don't shine? Maybe it is that someone is eyeballing his behind and he wants to know who the appreciator is?

Turns out he's saying "Who's eyes am I behind." Ahh, whatever. I like my version better.

I am truly going to hell.

Last night I went with my mom to see a girl's church choir from Germany perform. They were wonderful. Though at one point they sang a song where they made whooping sounds and sang like sirens (I don't mean the Greek Sirens, I mean fire engine sirens) and I suddenly was attacked by the giggles in a way I have not seen in years. It was those inappropriate giggles that just strike at the wrong time. I couldn't stop. I was shaking violently with tears streaming down my face. The choir kept wailing and popping their voices around and everytime I thought I had myself in check, it would strike again. Luckily my mother didn't beat me or catch the giggles. That would have been out of control. Either one. I finally gained control of myself, but still had the tears streaming down my face. Catching a giggle fit is like having a coughing fit. You'd like to stop, but you just can't.
THEN they kept singing these Latin church songs and I hate to admit how warped I am from Hollywood, but I kept looking around for Damien to step out of the shadows, or some other child of the devil to present itself.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Stuck on repeat

I have been singing a song in my head for over an hour. It is getting really annoying. I am hoping that by singing to you, it will either go away, or you can suffer along with me. Trouble is I only know a short part of the song and it just keeps repeating itself over and over and over and over. Make it stop. But please refrain from teaching me the rest of the words to the song. Even if you know it and are really really proud. I don't want to know. Thank you.

I'm Henry the Eighth I am. Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I was married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before. And everyone was an 'Enery. ENERY! Not a ... or a George, NO SIR! I'm Henry the Eighth I am. Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I was married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before. And everyone was an 'Enery. ENERY! Not a ... or a George, NO SIR!Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I was married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before. And everyone was an 'Enery. ENERY! Not a ... or a George, NO SIR!Henry the Eighth I am, I am. I was married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before. And everyone was an 'Enery. ENERY! Not a ... or a George, NO SIR!

So what do you do? Nothing.

Today I sat in on a meeting for no other reason than I had nothing else to do. The meeting had nothing to do with me or with anything I do. Still, I sat there and asked very important questions. But to quote someone from my office:
"We don't do any real work here, but we know people who do."

Sometimes I really like the people I work with.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

ciamar a tha thu?

Dico tibi verum, libertas optima rerum; Nunquam servili sub nexu vivito, fili.

My son, I tell thee soothfastlie, No gift is like to libertie; Then never live in slaverie.
-Wm. Wallace

Today marks the day that William Wallace was executed all the way back in 1305. They may have taken his life, but they'll NEVER TAKE HIS FREEDOM!!! They did, however, want to make sure he was really really dead by decapitating him, and then he was drawn and quartered with the help of four horses pulling in four directions (The four horrors. Four!) But to make sure that he didn't want to come back to life, they emasculated him. No boy wants that! They went on to display his head on a pinnacle on London bridge and his limbs in four different towns in the kingdom.

William Wallace was 6'7". (Why on Earth did pipsqueaky Aussie Mel gibson play him? Well, comparably at 5'10" he is a pipsqueak. I like that word pipsqueak. No, now it no longer makes sense to me.) I looked all over to see if the Scots of that time actually painted their faces blue, but could find no record of it. Also, I am pretty sure they had armor, not just kilts protecting their wee bits. See this statue from Edinburgh.

I want to horseback ride through the highlands of Scotland and stay overnight in the castles. Who wants to join me?

Please promise that you read this entry (that was brought to you by the number four) with a Scottish brogue. If you didn't, go back and do it now. Rrrrrrrreally rrrrroll those Rrrrrr's.

If you'd only have the courage to lead them to freedom, they'd follow you.
And so would I.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

So, going on vacation, huh?

Coworker: Well, my wife is not going on vacation with me.
Me: Why not?
Coworker: She doesn't think she can handle the plane ride.
Me: Can you drug her?
Coworker: It's not that. She has a condition where she needs to be able to get to a bathroom quickly.
Me: (flashing back to a car ride a few years ago when this same coworker told me if I were to buy a home, especially one I planned to retire in [I was 30 years old at the time], I should really consider making sure it has a bidet. Then he went into detail about why his wife needs a bidet which included something about lack of sphincter control.) Oh. {trying not to look grossed out.}
Coworker: Yeah, and now she has an infection that just won't seem to go away.
Me: (please stop talking, please stop talking.)
Coworker: That infection just makes her other condition worse.
Me: (Omigod, please don't tell me about her other condition)
Coworker: but she has been back and forth.
Me: To the bathroom?
Coworker: About the trip.
(Then he gives ME a quizzical look.)