Alphabet series - V

The other day I was sitting in my father's chair at my computer. I love this chair. It has a gray tweed seat that flops because the screws fell out of the one side and I have not quite gotten around to fixing it. I used to try to jam the screws back in, but everytime I would sit, "ping, ping", they would fall out again. The wooden arms are worn but stable and have been used in lui of a ladder many a time when the lightbulbs burned out in my hallway. I am esctatic that I have yet to fall off the chair. So while on this chair, I catch some movement out of the corner of my eye. GAH! Bug. BIG BUG. I squeeze myself into a tiny ball on my father's chair and try not to let the bug notice me. What to do, what to do? I pick myself up and scurry to the closet where the vacuum cleaner lives. I knocked on the door and he came out, ready to help me get rid of the enemy. (How can a bug be an enemy to ME? I AM BUG!) Plugged in and armed, I can't find the monster anymore. He's on to me! Fearfully searching with the open metal tube of a mouth on my Hoover; every movement, real or perceived, terrifies me. I aim at everything, ready to suck it up into the void that is also known as a bagless canister. (Can you imagine me with a loaded weapon?) Hiding in the corner, his little heart pounding so hard I could hear it above the din that the vacuum was making in anticipation of a tasty morsel, I found the little bugger. He made a run for it. Straining as to stay as far away as humanly possible, I reached for him with the hose. He veered left, he veered right. Elusive, but not elusive enough! Slurp! went my vacuum, and gone he was. Vacuum still running, I too, ran to the kitchen to get Saran Wrap which I covered the mouth of the hose with and tied tight. That sucker ain't leaving that vacuum to wage his revenge on me!

Take note, freaky bugs. I will get you with my vacuum, or else have my sister or friend Roger get you with a napkin and squish you all up while I cower in terror on my father's chair.