Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Alphabet series - V

The other day I was sitting in my father's chair at my computer. I love this chair. It has a gray tweed seat that flops because the screws fell out of the one side and I have not quite gotten around to fixing it. I used to try to jam the screws back in, but everytime I would sit, "ping, ping", they would fall out again. The wooden arms are worn but stable and have been used in lui of a ladder many a time when the lightbulbs burned out in my hallway. I am esctatic that I have yet to fall off the chair. So while on this chair, I catch some movement out of the corner of my eye. GAH! Bug. BIG BUG. I squeeze myself into a tiny ball on my father's chair and try not to let the bug notice me. What to do, what to do? I pick myself up and scurry to the closet where the vacuum cleaner lives. I knocked on the door and he came out, ready to help me get rid of the enemy. (How can a bug be an enemy to ME? I AM BUG!) Plugged in and armed, I can't find the monster anymore. He's on to me! Fearfully searching with the open metal tube of a mouth on my Hoover; every movement, real or perceived, terrifies me. I aim at everything, ready to suck it up into the void that is also known as a bagless canister. (Can you imagine me with a loaded weapon?) Hiding in the corner, his little heart pounding so hard I could hear it above the din that the vacuum was making in anticipation of a tasty morsel, I found the little bugger. He made a run for it. Straining as to stay as far away as humanly possible, I reached for him with the hose. He veered left, he veered right. Elusive, but not elusive enough! Slurp! went my vacuum, and gone he was. Vacuum still running, I too, ran to the kitchen to get Saran Wrap which I covered the mouth of the hose with and tied tight. That sucker ain't leaving that vacuum to wage his revenge on me!

Take note, freaky bugs. I will get you with my vacuum, or else have my sister or friend Roger get you with a napkin and squish you all up while I cower in terror on my father's chair.


Blogger MG said...

"How Big Was It?"

(à la ... I once caught a fish THIS big.)

8/07/2006 12:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Sweet said...

Buggie battles the bugs. Ha!

8/07/2006 01:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought you would have something more like this from that movie...

Voilà! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.
The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous.
Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.


8/07/2006 06:27:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love that story...Jen

8/09/2006 01:32:00 PM  
Blogger Buggie said...

Rereading the story makes me actually feel a little bad for the bug. But on the other hand, I do not approve of trespassers.

8/09/2006 03:00:00 PM  

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