Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

AI: The Final 24

What the hell was that opening? And was Ryan flirting with Hayden Christianson? That was weird.

Why does the format of this show have to consist of 12 girls and 12 boys. What if the talent pool is heavily tilted in one direction and because we have to fill a quota we end up with another Sanjaya?

How many times are we going to have sit through Carly Smithson-Corr's audition? If she gives up after this, what kind of devotion does she have to her "craft"? And is her tongue still blue? Oh, she'll make it, but I'm not sure I am happy about it. Look! Her crying face is the same as her singing one. (She's in).

Paula looks interesting. She resembles a boy from the Colonial Days who would have been available to stable the horses for the gentleman visitors. Not a great look. (And yeah, she does look fatter.)

Nice elevator camera angle - looks straight down the girls shirts. Well done!

Just based on the hot pink tie and the retarded hair I would have sent David home (or to a stylist). But he has a nice voice so whatever. (He's in).

Rock N' Roll Nurse (can I call her RHRN from now on?) is in. We can see if she sing a different song. If not, I foresee her gone quickly.

My girl is up. Kristy Lee Cook. She's nervous. (So am I). I don't want the competition to destroy her. But yay! She's in. She's hot. I want mt idols to be good looking (and lacking speech impediments). Don't suck, Kristy. I am putting myself on the line for you. You might wanna learn another song besides Amazing Grace.

Okay, Brooke's hair is less frizzy today. Now when I look at her, all I see is Carly Simon. Damn you, Cowell. Man, she's crying already. She's like chum in the water for these sharks. She'll make it through, though, but what will it do to her? She's gonna change! Good Lord! She may even watch an R-rated film!! (She's in).

Jessica Alba's son (Danny Noriega) is in.

Crazy dreadlocks is in.

Orlando Bloom is in.

The cute Philipino girl is in. This is a diverse group. I think Benetton should get in on the Ford and Coca Cola money making vehicle here.

Syesha is in so that Simon can be inappropriate towards her all season. I heart her. She'll be top ten.

Michael Johns is in. I want him to cut his hair. But I will probably buy his cd. (Just for the record, I did not buy, nor do I have the following cds: Clay Aiken; Fantasia Barrino; Ruben Studdard (Stoddard?); the guy with the big teeth from the season with Bucky; Kimberly something who was on Celebrity Fit Club. A bunch of others. I guess I should admit to the ones I do have... Carrie, Daughtry, the first two of Kelly. Mock me if you will. Oh and this year at the Grammy's they should force the shrieking girl from Scream Girls to give back her Academy Award and apologize to me.)

Oh Lord, here comes the kid's TV show host. I don't like this kid. I don't feel sorry for him living in his car. He chose to live there. He's no Jewel. If they let him on, I am not going to watch going to pout and be mean at the tv screen until he goes away. He is my personal Sanjaya. Thank GOD! He's not through. Now I foresee tears. Geez. I kind of feel bad. Whatever. He's using up his 15 minutes of fame. Go car. (Get it? Go home. He lives in his car? Keep up! :)

Asia'h is up. She's adorable. I vote for her too. Top ten material. She's a bit nasal, but has a cool voice and she is vivacious as hell. (She's in)

Last two boys. It's between blond eyelashes and Hillary Clinton. Hillary's got to win something, so I think it will be him, but I have no idea. I am not really a fan of blond eyelashes, but too bad for me, because BE stays and Hillary goes. But what a genial boy he is. Even lets Paula touch him, twice. I think he was practicing for his political days when ooky people want to touch on you. (Should I be afraid that Simon and I agree 95% (a million percent) of the time?)

Maybe blond eyelashes can get an ad campaign with Maybelline for Manscara. Maybe he's born with it? Maybe it's Maybelline. (And metrosexuality takes another downward turn).

Last two girls. Pretty singer girl or pretty plus size model girl. PSG dances like a chicken and sings weird. PPSMG is better. OMIGOD! MY DVR JUST CUT OFF THE LAST MINUTES. I'M SUING! WHO MADE IT? GRRRRRRRRrrrrrrr.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Hollywood Week

First of all, I want you all to appreciate that I watched American Idol and took notes all the while hovering on my sofa in a bizarre manner, attempting not to let any of my damaged bits touch anything. Also, on this note, I hit my head a couple of times so if something I wrote does not make sense, blame the ice on the steps.

Hollywood Week!
This is usually my favorite part of AI. I love the stress and I love the way the personalities show up during the group performance rehearsals. I love how some people can absolutely not refrain from partying and then fall apart on stage. (Or totally rock it and then you KNOW they have star potential, but will end up in the hospital due to "exhaustion" before too long). Hollywood week has changed.

Now they are allowing the contestants to play musical instruments. I love this! I feel like one week should be the contestants performing a song that was written and composed by one of the contestants. Even if a performer is not a song writer, they can get a song from a co-performer. You know the song writer will only give out their best stuff because they are still being represented. Great idea, don't you think? I am claiming ownership to it here and if AI wants to use it, they have to give me one million dollars.

First up: Brooke Light. She has a Tori Amos thing going for her. I kind of like her. (They compared her to Carly Simon. Yeah.) If she does not make it in music, maybe John Frieda could use her as a before model for his Frizz Ease product.

The judges love her. 1 million percent! I hate this. We get it. You like her. 100%, 1,000% 1,000,000%!!!! Shut up.

"You have the stage presence of a flea". -Simon. Nice. But what is he trying to say? Some fleas have a ton of presence. Flea circus stars, for example... Fleas are annoying. That must be what he was saying.

Okay, I'm 15 minutes in and I am bored. (The fact that this thought passed through my mind in a British accent is disturbing. Am I channelling Simon, or Britney?) The contestants don't have the fearful look of a cornered rabbit and that makes me sad.

What the hell is Paula wearing? Some sort of chunky silver bolero type cardigan? It's falling off of her shoulders. Hmm, and she only dances when she sees the camera is on her. Oh! And she just 100 trazillion percented. It's on!

Amanda Overmyer: Rock N'Roll nurse. I am afraid she is one dimensional. But damn, there is something I like about her despite her hair. Man, she would have given Grace Slick a run for her money 40 years ago. Randy thinks she's unique, but Simon agrees with me. (As usual.)

Okay, got another glimpse of Paula's ensemble. Apparently she has a bouquet of those Playtex training bra rosettes gracing her bosom. Hot!

What's this? We are already having celebrity guests on the show? But Antonio Banderas should simply stick to being Puss in Boots, and omigod how I love Puss in Boots. (Okay, so he's not Antonio, but if you have not figured out that I call people by the name of the celebrity they resemble, you should not read my languid writings anymore).

Another glimpse, Paula appears to be bedazzled. I wonder if she did it herself.

Barack is leading the VA Primary by 61%, but I choose him one million kazillion %.

The kid who lived in the car, Josiah; I can see him being the newest Blues clues guy. His blue t-shirt may have had something to do with that assessment. I can see him as a host of some kids show. Not an AI. I hate his vibrato. And his hair. And the fact that he is infected by the Madonna/Britney virus that makes Americans British.

Hey guys, Jessica Alba had her baby! It's a boy. He is already about 16 and wears colored contacts. (Danny Noreiga)

I don't know about this group. Maybe my fall affected my hearing, but they all sound off-key to me. And they are flying through.

Boy, this assessment is loooooong and I am not even halfway through. Sigh. And look, the Irish girl is part chow. She has a blue tongue. They ALL have blue tongues. What the hell is going on?

NO MORE BRYAN ADAMS! What did he ever do to the producers of American Idol? Where is Bryan Adams anyway? Bet the Canadians still rock out to him. Rock on, Canada.

Time warp: Hillary Clinton used to be a boy named Kyle. She went forward into the future and auditioned for American Idol. Oh, she's in! Go Kyle. Nothing like the nerd vote. Worked for that chicken little guy a couple of seasons ago.

I hate singers who use a lot of theatrics in their singing. I also hate when people end a word with that hiccupy ha! But luckily that guy is cut and hopefully I won't ever have to ever hear that ever again. Ever.

This new way of cutting people is brutal, but I like it. I miss the stress of the group performances. My goodness, I am a sadist.

I have a pick for now. I am not certain she has the pipes or the personality to hang on to it, though. Kristy Lee Cook. She is adorable.

Side bar: Whatever happened to Brian Dinkelman? Does he watch the show? Does the success of this show piss him off to no end. Hold on. I have to look him up. Well, his name is DUnkelman. Oops. Oh, he was on Ghost Whisperer. He's doing fine. We don't have to worry about him.

NO MORE BRYAN ADAMS! Seriously! What, is he running for Prime Minister? Is this his way back into the public eye? Stop it.

Ugh, Hillary (Kyle) sang Josh Grobin... and made it through. Ugh. Am I the only person who would rather listen to Roseanne Barr sing the National Anthem on helium than Josh Grobin??

Syesha is pretty. And she is totally Simon's type. (Look at his girlfriend and the girl he totally fawned over season 1- Christina Christian). I like her. She reminds me a little of Samaire Armstrong.

And once again, Australia delivers. Well done Down Under! Thank you for Michael Johns.

The escaped Corrs sibling makes a stupid singing face. She could be good, but I am not sold on her. I guess I won't send her back to Ireland yet.

Okay, I have to go watch tonight's AI. Update you on it tomorrow. Whether you like it or not. Hope you got me something for Valentine's Day.

Ouchieeee

There was a nice little ice storm yesterday. The streets were okay where I was driving, so I didn't think about the ice much as I began to slowly descend the thirteen stone steps in front of my home. One step was all I needed to take. Zooooooooom! I went down like a Jamaican bobsledder. As I was smashing my tailbone and repeatedly smacking my head, all I could do was wonder what my luge-like slide looked like. But no one was around to witness it. When I finally came to a stop, there was nothing I could do for a few moments having had the wind knocked out of me. Alas! I was not even completely at the bottom. I still had three ice encased steps to maneuver before I could attempt the five that lead into my house.
Bruised and battered, with skinned palms, I slid down the remaining steps on my bottom like a child. Worse even, I had to reach back up the stairs to get my stuff that had strewn itself about like I had been planning a yard sale.
When I finally got inside, I found I could not sit, I could not stand. So I did what any healthy 34 year old will do. I called my mom.
"Ouchie mommy! I fell down."

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Feb. 12

The Primary Election is today and I wonder how it is going to turn out. I hope that people are not voting based on race or gender. I hope that they look at the person and gauge whether or not they believe that person can truly run this country.

I have to admit that I truly like Obama. He seems like a person who has interests outside of politics. Hillary, unfortunately, doesn’t seem to have this depth. Her entire life has been immersed in politics. I believe that she would have kicked Bill to the curb a long time ago had she not had presidential visions even back in the days an ugly blue dress was being soiled.

I can’t stand how politics have developed in our country (and maybe others, but what would I know about that?). It is all a game of money, power and manipulation. The advisors tell candidates what to say, and how to act, in order to get the most votes. It’s ridiculous. I wish someone would come in and stand up for what they believe in. (Settle down, McCain. I mean someone who believes in something I can stand behind.)

I hope that the winner is a good president. I could not care less what race or gender our leader is as long as this country is successful.