Unintentional IM poetry - From a conversation with JT

yet
yep
not yet
yep

Do something good.

One of my dear friends is going to be running the Amsterdam 2008 Marathon in October to raise money for the AIDS Foundation of Chicago. Now, as we all know, the only way you'd get me to run is away from a shot, or towards Wentworth Miller. Melissa is choosing to run because she wants to help.

If you have a couple of duckets, or are just feeling philanthropic, please join Melissa (and me 'cause I'm donating, too) in raising money to fight AIDS. Click here to donate.

The best part about this donation is that you can do it while sitting on your (in my case at least) ever widening arse. Melissa will do the hard work.

Run Melissa, RUN!

Happy Easter! (Peep show)

Uncle update

Blessing #1: So my car dealer called me today to update me on the situation with my engine. This after my darling friend called yesterday to tell me that she would help me git (it's on purpose) Jiffy Lube for wrecking my car. Thanks again, Laura! So the dealer called and told me that they were going to cover all of the costs of replacing my engine and give me a loaner car until it is fixed! Yay!

Blessing #2: When I arrived at work this morning, the fire alarm was going off and a bunch of really huge firemen were meandering about. I walked around the building through the parking deck instead of risking elevator action. When the "all clear" was heard, I stood in the lobby, paralyzed by the uncertainty of the elevator experience I was setting myself up to have. I refused two cars that came. One: because it was the one that entrapped me yesterday, and two: because its' doors were jittery, half closing without reason. I climbed into the third car with my friend and co-worker and we made it to 10 without issue.

Blessing #3: The left shoulder blade knot that has me seeing stars seems to be releasing it's vulcan death grip on me. It's still there and I am still trying to stretch it out and make it go away completely, but for the most part it only bugs me a little.

Blessing #4: To add to the trauma of my week, I checked my grades and found I got a 43/100 on my paper last week. Apparently, I only answered 4 of the 9 questions. Oops. I sent an email to my teacher to beg for a reprieve which she actually granted to me! Luckily, it was not my first assignment, and she had a chance to see that I do understand the material and do generally not just skip questions. I have to turn in the other five questions tonight.

Blessing #5 & 6: My mom returns home from Europe on Tuesday, and my sister and her whole family are coming in two weeks!

My frustration comes from things I deem unfair. Build up a bunch of unfair things and I feel like my sky is falling. Luckily, the sun is shining and I have a date with Marci tonight. Thanks for the comments on my last post. They made me laugh and enabled me to take a step back and realize it is not as bad as it seems. (Besides, it can always get worse, right?)

When I think about it, this has been a great week, too. I got to go for an awesome bike ride with Jen on Saturday. I did not fall off my bike, nor did she. Hills were a killer, but we made it! I saw Laura and Killer on Monday. He is settling in nicely and she seemed to recover well from her weekend from hell. I spent some delicious quality time with Clussy, who is fresh from her stint as a rodeo cowgirl. Then even more fantastical time with both Cluss and Harms! Yesterday afforded me a chance to not only learn about bicycle maintenance, and giggle over the terms ("limited screw", "spoke nipples"), I got to do this with Marci. Tonight brings even more time with her and either the Wii, or the Jen and the Crispy-C.

What the previous paragraph is stating is that I should never cry about how my life sucks, because that short paragraph demonstrates at least 6 reasons why my life rocks!

UNCLE!

On Monday I had a long and unpleasant conversation with a woman in HR about why I cannot claim overtime hours anymore. I would go into detail, but I am not keen on talking about work on here. But let’s just say it was out of control and set the stage for a fantastic week in the life of Bug.

I have had this intense knot in my back, right below my left shoulder blade. I have been doing exercises and seeing the chiropractor, but it just does not want to go away. The problem with it is that it leaves me achy and uncomfortable all day long. But that is just the very tip of the iceberg right now.

I found out last week that the police car that hit my parked car in December is protected under some sovereign rule that allows the City to not have to pay damages. Unfortunately for me, the cop who wrote up the report told me to get the car fixed and then send in the bills for reimbursement. Now I am $600 in the hole for something I would never have fixed had they not told me to. I don’t get how they can not be responsible. I could see that law protecting the officer, but the city should still be liable. AND if they weren’t going to take responsibility, was it really necessary for the cop in question to wake me up at 5 am and shine a flashlight in my eyes, not once, but twice? Then drag my tail out to witness the damage to my car that he was not responsible for? Couldn’t he just have left a not on my windshield that said something like “sorry I hit your car, but it is really not my problem. Deal with it.” At least I could have slept a little longer.

On Monday I noticed that both my headlights burned out, so in order to visit Laura, I had to take a cab because I was not about to get a ticket for driving at night without working headlights.

On Tuesday, I brought my car to the shop. At approximately 4pm, my phone rang and the shop was letting me know that because Jiffy Lube broke some part of the filter thingy when they changed my oil in January, the car’s been leaking oil for the past three months and I will now need a new engine. Cool! The technician asked me to bring in all of my oil change receipts to demonstrate that I take care of my car and maybe the dealership can give me an engine… If not, it’s only going to be about $5000. No problem. Don’t forget the cost of the rental car for the two weeks the repairs will take. You know, I rarely take the car to Jiffy Lube. In fact, this car has only been there once. It was in January, when they broke it. I took a car I used to own to Jiffy Lube once and they forgot to replace a bolt they had removed so the car leaked oil, too. Broke that car too. It’s so frustrating that I might have to replace my whole car because I was doing what they tell us to do every 3000 miles. Can jiffy Lube employees really be that stupid? (Doing the thing they do 100 times every single day?) So now I have to wait to see if my dealership will cover any of this, and if I have to pay for it, I can’t even work overtime to earn some extra cash.

After work I drove home to get the receipts and realized I left my house key on my key ring. So I had to leave home and drive to the dealership, get my key, return home, get the receipts, drive back, drop off the receipts, and go back home AGAIN.

This morning I woke up and drove my rental to work. As I got into the elevator, I hit my floor and all the lights went out and the door stayed open. I got out and took a different elevator to the lobby. From there I climbed aboard a new elevator with a girl from the floor above mine. I hit 10 (my floor) and she hit 11. The elevator flew past 10 to 11, dropped two floors (as did my heart and stomach), flew back up and stopped. We were stuck. Hit the alarm. It buzzed impotently. Hit the call button where we got a crackly voice informing us of something… but there was no comprehension of what she said. Half an hour later they pry the doors open and we had to jump out of the elevator which was stuck between the 11th floor and the roof. I still needed to go to the tenth floor, so I took the stairs. There I was stuck because our building is secure, and the door to the stairs was locked from the inside AND there is no card swiping device to recognize me as a good guy. I was trapped. I used my rapidly dying cell phone to call a co-worker to rescue me. There was no chance in hell that I was walking down 10 flights only to encase myself in the terrifying death box again. (A box, I have to say, that has no discernible escape hatch).

The best part of it all? Right now I have a migraine that is beating me to a pulp. I type this with one eye closed because these big blind spots are taking over my vision and I can’t see most of the screen. I am shaking and pukey feeling. Pretty soon you will find me huddling in the corner, a quivering weepy mess.

Laura sent this picture to me this morning and I feel it adequately demonstrates how the universe is feeling about me at the moment.

Nothing better to do...

I always thought I would get a dog. Apparently it is not my ideal pet...?

Your Ideal Pet is a Bird

You're both very smart, very expressive, and very temperamental. You're as likely to bite your bird as it is to bite you.

What's Your Ideal Pet?

I adore this description, though. And lately, I have been tempted to bite when pissed off. Grrr. (er...squawk?)

Herrn "Doktor"

Apparently there is a law in Germany that prohibits American Ph.D’s to be be called “Doctor” in Germany. In order to be called Doctor, you must have received your education in an EU accredited university. Okay, this is an antiquated law, stemming from the 1930’s, a time in which Germany was presenting itself as the number one place in the world and therefore no one else is as educated and great as Germans.

In this article in the Washington Post today, Gary Smith, the director of Berlin’s American Academy, has answered to Dr. Smith for the twenty years he’s been in Germany. He understands that he can file papers to legally use this title, but hasn’t concerned himself with the process. He says, “It wasn't worth the trouble of doing anything about it… It's really an absurd situation in a globalized world." Therein lies my issue with “Dr.” Smith.

It’s their law. It can be antiquated and absurd and unnecessary. It can be whatever the Germans want it to be. It’s their law. It is not harmful to anyone. It is simply the way they want it. Maybe it should be modified for the times, but it hasn’t been. Deal with it. If you don’t like their laws, get the hell out of their country. I am so annoyed with this guy who is above their rules.

Wine and Wii

(B) JT is here to wine and Wii with me. (J) I am going to kick Bug's ass in bowling (I almost wrote "blowing", which is a completely different game). Wii is on. (B)We are playing Rayman. JT Is gonna kick me arse. Again. (J) Multi-players = multi-pass? We cannot even figure out how to get two people to play the game. How can one possibly kick one's arse in this condition? Bex -- I just hope I get to the dance club portion.

(B) Kicked her patootie. (FINALLY!) That was fun. Esp. the stage part where we danced. We danced like there is no tomorrow. (J) She did! Kicked it and kicked it hard. Of course, let's not forget that I came from a company meeting where they served wine. Not that I'm saying that influened the game. Not at all. (B) OHMYGOD! She thinks she is soooo much better than me at Wii But only Bowling. Just bowling. (Of course it is all we play, soo...) (J) So, let's bowl, baby! No! No bowling! Psyched me out! Ruse! Instead, Playground dodgeball. Perhaps not surprisingly, Wii dodgeball is just like my real life grade school dodgeball experience, where I am the last person to understand the rules and the last person picked. But, all is redeemed when we play tetherball and the lonely, fat kid with the cheap gym shorts wins the respect of her peers by whipping the virtual tether ball around Bug's tiny butt.

(B)OKay, I can't write fiction, so lemme tell it how it really is. My butt is not teeny. I need to attempt to beat her ass at Tetherball. I did, but then she kicked mine in wall ball. Then she tripped over the rug, in a fit of joy, to pour me more wine out of the ginormous bottle that just happened to be open. (J) Just happened to be, my wall ball bruised butt . That was grand fun. Why do I feel too old for Wii? Why do I feel as if I played against a 17 year-old I would be woefully out of touch with the lingo? Like when I asked Dave's and (by default) my nieces' whether or not they like (phoentic pronounciation) AH-vril Lahveen? And they said, "um, it's Avril." And I felt super uncool. (B) Surprisingly, for such a cool chick, JT has a repetoire of such stories. But I prefer a more slapstick approach, hence the luge down my front steps. (J) Which resulted in some serious pay the piper (and the piper is the chiropractor). (B) but that got me out of work an hour early today, so... is it ALL bad? (J) GAH! How sad that an hour free from work could translate to literally back-breaking tasks. (B) For real. What will I do next? Fall from a tree? Fall off a ladder? Anything to get out of an hour of work? I did work 8 hours today, you know. Just had to be said...(J) Seriously...run in front of a bus? Do a show with Siegfried and Roy? The possibilities are endless. (B) Well, I will start contemplating them as the one thing that keeps me generally occupied is coming to screeching halt in less than two months!

(J) You better be going to Georgetown or I will kick your skinny ass! (B) Again, we have gone over this.. Ass not skinny. Maybe after our bike ride this weekend? Thank goodness for my padded seat (and not just the one on my bike). I have yet to hear back from Georgetown. What if they are just waiting to taunt me a second time? And then I will have to ... (J) Like I just taunted you whilst writing this last leg? Phew. How did G-town taunt you a first time? Did they say: "oh, you non-hoya loving devil?" Why do I hear crazy paw steps up above? (B) Cause you crazy! Or it is my upstairs neighbor's cats and dog. Her dog luuvvvs ME!. It makes me so happy. And she is sooo soft. What were we talking about?

(J) The animals are soft or the neighbor? (B) You know I have never petted my neighbor. Any of them. I dunno if she is soft. I could ask her next time I see her. I can't imagine her thinking that it's weird. (J) Or inappropriate in any way. (B) Have to interject. That comment made me choke on my wine. (J) Like that's unusual. (B) Point well taken JT. Point well taken. (Did I mention she tripped over the rug?) (J) I love the double saying, like in "Babe:" "That'll do, Pig. That'll do."

(B) My sister said that to a friend once who did not take too kindly to it. (J) Your sister called a friend a pig? (B) She told a friend "That'll do, Pig. That'll do." Yes. I guess she did. But I would not argue with my sister. She is freakishly strong. For reals. (J) I've wrestled Kirsten. It's true. She pinned me in a double nelson and I screamed Uncle for days. (B) You have an Uncle named For Days? I thought I had relatives with weird names. I had a friend named Dawn Nelson. I know she was not a twin. But she was pretty. She should have a twin and then they could pin people. (J) Do you think the band Nelson would approve? I can't live without your love, Bug. (B) I know JT. I know.

Marci should like me better now.

You Are a Banana

You are mellow, easy going, and a total softie on the inside. People find it really easy to get along with you. You suit most tastes. And while you're very sweet, you're not boring or ordinary. You have an attraction to the exotic, and you could show up anywhere... doing almost anything! You are spirited, energetic, and a total kick to be around. You're also quite funny. Your sense of humor is on the goofy side, and it fits you well.

What Type of Fruit Are You?

Results of final 12 on AI

Jim Carrey in elephant costume is almost as awkward as the final 12's choreography (or as awkward as my difficulties in spelling awkward just now...). Oh no. Sanjaya and his sister/lover are there. Bad omen. Someone crappy is going to stay.

Carly has a snaggletooth. She may have a new nickname.

Syesha is bottom three? They are making them sing before they are booted now? I guess the tearfest of Alaina Whitaker was too much for Fox?

Ugh, they just rapped "The Distance" by Cake. I heard on the radio that song was one of the ones David Hernandez stripped to.

Kristy Lee Cook is bottom three. Called her to be in the bottom (in my shot-gun effect method). I still don't know how many people are going home. I suppose I do not pay enough attention.

I do not approve of the call-ins. This is stupid. But they just got up close on Simon's head. Does he have a middle part? He has the weirdest hair in Hollywood. Well, after David Cook. Has anyone else noticed that Simon seems to be going deaf? Anytime someone on stage says something, he leans to Paula and says "what did he says?".

Is Katharine McPhee mad that she is not anywhere near as successful as Carrie or Kelly? I bet if her name was Kathy, she would be. Kelly...Carrie...Kathy... Pattern, anyone?

Ramiele looks like a wee little bumblebee.

Oh check it out. He was in my bottom two! Yay. Sorry. By David. No more stripper jokes. Be sure to wipe the pole down before you go.

AI Final 12- these things get longer and longer...

Ryan is working the baby faux hawk. It does not look bad, but I don’t find him attractive. Does anyone? He strikes me as a bit asexual. He is a skinny tie aficionado. I am not. That suit is tight, and by tight I mean snug. Was he sewn into it, ala Halle Berry into her catsuit, prior to the show?

Simon is wearing a white!?! Button-down shirt…? It looks like pjs. Yes. I still like it. I like him. I need help. So they are going to brutalize Beatles songs. Swell. Is Paul McCartney still alive? He annoys me. Though I saw this Stella McCartney bag that was awesome and if being nice to her dad would get me that bag… I am willing to sell out.

Syesha Mercado: I really like her, and she sings this okay, but she hits some notes weirdly. I wonder if they had adjusted the song a bit, those notes would not have been as harsh to me. She is so freakin’ cute though she looked like she was heading to the gym.

Randy thinks every song starts off rough and then it gets to be all right for him, it’s all right.

Jacuzzi: I have that sweater vest! Mine is dark gray. We could be twins!! Adorable the way he talks about his mom. Banjo. Heh… Chikezie is attempting to keep the beat by slapping his knee. But he is so off. Kind of like these girls that were attempting to clap along at a Great!Big!Sea! concert. Sad, really. He has a super cheesy quality about him (can’t get the Carlton Banks comparison out of my head). It was energetic and interesting. He sang well, but it was still cheesy.

Ramiele Malubay: That was a weird angle to start on with us staring down at her. I mean, she is short, maybe she wants America to look at her on TV the way the rest of the world sees her in person. She is consistently flat on some notes. She has a better voice than what she gives us here. I’m bored. I feel like I am suffering through someone’s kid performing for us after a dinner party. She’s going home. I hate it when Simon says exactly what I just wrote. It makes me feel like people think I am just parroting him. I’m not! I need a time stamp. I type all this crap as I watch. I am such a dork with a laptop living up to its name during the show.

Ooh, be aware that Paula is not impressed if she leads with “You look great”.

Jason Castro: He is the poster child for pot what with his dreads and his stoner grin. But he is sooo adorable. Though I have to say that as gets more comfortable in his interviews, he seems more and more lucid. I would like him to sing one song with some edge, just once. He basically sings the same song each week. He sang “if I fell in love with Hugh”. But David Sedaris would be upset with that!

Carly Smithson-Corr: There is that ugly singing face. Good Lord, woman, take a look at the films, wouldja? She moves weird, too. She sang it extremely well. But in such a regular way. She is gonna freakin’ win, isn’t she..?

David Cook: Seriously, the hair! The HAIR! The hair is so bad that I almost did ont notice the soul patch. The SOUL PATCH! I love his voice. Yet, yikes. It is like he is skating by the notes, just barely missing them. But he’s hitting them now. He sounds like Gavin Rossdale, I think.

Brooke Light-White: She looks like she should be prettier than she is. When did they tape that footage of Brooke nannying? I’m glad they fixed her frizzy hair. It is nice to see that hair and makeup is at least helping someone (see David Cook). Wow, she has the same weird Elvis lip curl while she sings that Renee used to get when she had had a couple of drinks. Brooke always looks like she is trying to attack the microphone. It was pretty. And pretty boring. I dunno. She has a lovely voice but it did not seem she did much with that song. Hmm, Simon finally does not agree with me. My world is coming undone.

David Hernandez: I bet he’ll strip the song down, and twirl around on it. Ugh, he is still adding H’s to the front of the words. HI’m Hnot Hthat Hexcited Habout Hthis. Snore. It reminds me of Wham!’s video where they wear the hot pink shorts and floppy hair and we still did not get the they were gay.. Seriously, how did we miss that? I remember being blown away by the fact that George Michael was gay. I have to stop writing I this blurb because everything that I type seems to come across as a dig towards David Hernandez… and really, only the first sentence was meant to be one.

Amanda Overmyer: Her pants match her hair (which does not look like crap tonight!). She is rockin’ it. I think she will be here next week. I like her, just not her voice sooo much. But that red-headed chick who worked at the karaoke place lasted on season 1 forever. It was pretty good.

Michael Johns: He is singing Across the Universe. This is my favorite Beatles song. Man, if this is his exit song “nothing’s going to change my world”, it would be poignant. But I like this kid. I could see this being an encore song.

Kristy Lee Cook: She is singing it (and the band is playing it) like she’s on speed. It made me feel frantic. It is shame about the fact that she must have been attacked backstage based on the state of her jeans. Whoa, she ended it weird. I think Paula thinks Kristy is going home.

David Archuleta: He is sort of nerdy. Oops. Forgot the words. He has a quality to his voice that I can’t stand. But he has talent, too. Conundrum. He is a lip licker. Yuck. If David Cook were a lip licker, I really would not be able to watch him at all. Creepy. I dunno. I just am not sold on this kid. Is Simon going to ream him for forgetting the words? Oh, Paula did!

If we are only sending one person home, I think it will be Ramiele Malubay. If it’s two, then say goodbye to David Hernandez? (I mean, this can’t American Idol’s named David, can it? Lets get rid of one.)

Runners up: Kristy Lee Cook and David Archuleta (to go home…)

Poor Jodie Foster

First she had a crazy stalker who tried to kill the President to impress her. Now she has some idiot who sent a bomb threat, mentioning her name, to an LA airport.

What is it about her that stirs up the crazies?

Men...

I was watching a movie called The Prize Winner of Defiance, Ohio about a woman in the 1960’s who enters all contests in order to, not only augment her family’s meager income, stave off boredom and challenge her brain. The husband is portrayed as a terrible husband and father. He was mortified that his wife would win prizes that inevitably came at a time when money was in desperate need for the family. He dealt with his insecurities with alcohol, spending what little money the family did have. Moronic actions, because it just made her have to enter more contests, which made him drink more, and act out with more violence.
It seems that many men in this era were abusive, violent and angry. While they seemed to be in charge of their lives and of those lives around them, these men were often impotent. The women, who did not work a paycheck bearing job*, ruled the roost through their love and mothering. The men hardly knew their children or their spouses at all. Often, fathering was done through violence, or the threat thereof. The children lost out on having any sort of healthy relationship with their father.
Obviously these statements are all of the blanket variety. My point is that I feel sorry for these men who felt it was weak to show a soft hand with their children. I feel sad that men of this era based their value on their jobs and the appearance of a nice family life, yet had little or no involvement in the family life aspect at all.
My father, who was such a wonderful and loving man to me, was not a man who ever changed a diaper or did things with his young children that I bet he would have done were he a young father today.
Have times changed men and women for the better? When I see couples interacting, they act as though each member was equal to the other. Obviously the power balance occasionally shifts at times, but in the greater arithmetic of it all, it equals out in the end.
Are men happier today? It seems that they are more involved with their children. Men, while still gaining much of their personal value from their careers, seem to have more freedoms in expressions of love and caring than seemed possible in the 60’s.
I am not fleshing this out as well I would like to. I am afraid of misrepresenting my thoughts.
It just seemed to me that men in the 1960’s (which is the era I am looking at) were shut into a mold of what was expected of them and were not allowed to soften until the children were grown and perhaps they had retired. It seems like such a waste of time. Those mens’ children never got to know their fathers. I truly hope that times have changed. I want my children and my friends’ children to know and appreciate their fathers for all their good traits and bad.

*I say this because I think being a stay at home mom is a much harder job than any one that they pay you to do.

AI top 16 results show

Well, Blake Lewis(not Edwards, who is Julie Andrews husband)demonstrates why he did not win last year. Boring. Fast forwarding... I tend to fast forward through most of the results show. So this should be short.

Bye Kady. Called this one. Boring don't wanna hear that boring song again. FF.

Bye Luke. Thank goodness.

Okay, Ramiele is safe. I kind of figured. But I did pick her to go.
Bye Asia'h She was my alternate. But I still picked her to go. See ya.

Bye Danny. JT will miss your queenyness. I think we will see it pop up elsewhere. But I do love a part of you. Best wishes, kiddo.

Damn, I was actually on this week.
I am worried this is becoming about me being right.

AI Girls Top 8

Yikes, Paula looks like she is going to go wash some laundry at the river. What’s up woth the hair? Whoa, but she is actually kind of funny, apologizing for causing the poofy hairstyle of the 80’s.

Asia’h Epperson: sings Whitney. She is begging for them to attack her. Them’s the ugliest pants I have ever seen. For karaoke, she is not bad. Blinded.by.the.horrific.spector.of.the.pants.

Kady Malloy: This girl has no consistent voice, except that she consistently sings in the back of throat. Whoa, she is hitting every sour note. Every one. A couple of times. What’s that? Oh geez, she is making me go deaf. It’s good I had a day to rest my ears between her and Luke Menard. Hmm, apparently I am deaf. Because they all liked it.

JT, you are right. Simon does seem totally over it. Wonder if he’ll do it again next year.

Amanda Overmyer: I still like her as a person. She has the cutest face. I just don’t want her to sing to me anymore. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to listen to a while album of her voice. And is she part skunk? Is Pepe le Pew her daddy? Is that why she has that hair? It’s her best yet, but meh. Go home already. (Hmm, all the judges are tone deaf tonight.)

Carly Smithson-Corr: I know what her most embarrassing moment is. It’s only selling 378 cds with a $2M promotion backing her. Hmm, guess she does not talk about that. Maybe my speakers are warped. Everyone sounds off key. Oh, she is singing Cyndi Lauper. My childhood idol. Damn it. This girl is starting to grow on me. But I still hate her ugly singing face. Yeah, she sold it. Rock on, Carly. (Celine Dion covered Cyndi Lauper?).

I should take this moment to apologize for being as retarded as the AI judges in thinking that Michael Johns sang an Inxs song. “Don’t You Forget About Me” is a Simple Minds song.

Kristy Lee Cook: She can make any song sound country. She sang it prettily with just a dollop of cheese. But she is way better than the guy who took over for Steve Perry (aw, Steve Perry).

Ramiele Malubay: She is not singing this song to my satisfaction. C’mon! You know how many concerts, starring me singing this song, there have been? I dunno. It’s like listening to a Princess Cruise entertainer from the 80’s, in a cobalt blue Bob Mackie gown, sing it.

Brooke Light-White: I keep calling her Brooke Light, so I decided to hyphenate her. It looks like John Frieda got to her. I hate to admit that she’s got something. (There is something in me determined not to really like any of them. Why? Damn, maybe Simon and I are sharing the antipathy). I like her acoustic version. But she is just singing it. She is not expressing the emotions behind the song. And that is a hella good song to get emotional about.

Syesha Mercado: Does anyone actually read my blurbs? Does it matter? I don’t guess I care. I like to get it out of my system. For some reason, this show gets me slightly obsessed. I just have always loooooved watching people perform. I think my ideal job would be as a talent scout. This has nothing to do with Syesha, but I needed to get it off my (heaving?) chest. (I love you Simon! Wooooo!!)

These kids most embarrassing moments are pathetic. I can trump them with a story from any year of my life!

Sysehsa Mercado: For real… Um, she is nailing Whitney. Right there on stage. She is singing a little slow, but hell she’s got it. (I love this girl). Judges say: “Good”; Sophisticated, lovely”; “Predictable, but good”. And that’s all they say.

I say goodbye to:
1. Kady Malloy
2. Ramiele Malubay?
Runner Up: Asia’h Epperson?

Strike Out

I think I am going to go back to being a Mets fan. Yesterday, I along with every other baseball fan, signed on to buy opening game tickets. I sat and waited to no avail. That’s okay, but the time I spent in the virtual waiting room reminded me of the time I had to wait an hour to get a bratwurst at RFK. Then I was reminded of how I never got a bobblehead doll because they gave out multiple vouchers to some people and none to others (myself being in the none category). Then you had to wait in some long line for an hour before anyone told you that you needed a voucher that they didn’t have any more of. Meanwhile, some jackass is strolling down the corridor arms bulging with many boxes of teeny, wobbly Brian Schneiders.

I hope the new park is better, but I am not very hopeful. Stop breaking my heart Nationals. Go Mets.

AI Top 8 Guys

Is it wrong that I am sort of bored with this whole process? None of the people are very interesting to me. I can see some of them having record deals after the show and feasibly even be popular, but I don’t really care. I won’t buy their CDs (except maybe Michael Johns whose first album I don’t have nor want, so…)

Whoa, holy 80’s hair, Paula Abdul!

Luke Menard: Nonononono! Ugh. Off tune. Yucky. Stop it. I don’t want you to (try to) hit that high (and he did it twice). Go away.

David Archuleta: Is going to sing Phil Collins. My Phil Collins. He’d better not ruin a perfectly great song for me. (Sorry. Don’t know why I am suddenly not a fan of this kid. The colored contacts, the cheesy grin, and the big nostrils are getting to me). He looks like a monchichi. Damn, he picked a good song to wheeze through. He did a little too much adjustment to the song, but it was okay. Geez, this kid is paving the path to becoming a goodwill ambassador. Last week it was Imagine and this week he sang Another Day in Paradise because it makes people aware of the homeless?

Danny NoriAlba: This kid is odd. Maybe he’ll be on Project Runway next season. Hmm. There is just so much to deal with. He could be a cutie, but he is so diva-esque which makes him write-off-able. (And he is a mouth breather.)

David Hernandez: Booger story teller (is how he will now be known to me). Boring arrangement. Some flat notes. He’s getting better, but for me? Smeh.

They all suck tonight.

Michael Johns: Does an Inxs song. Didn’t see this coming… (Right). He has energy. I like that. I am not a huge Inxs fan, but he did well. I am not blown away, but I did not hate it either.

Does Ryan Seacrest look like a Muppet? Is it just me?

David Cook: He is still so creepy to me. And he’s rockin’ Lionel!?! I actually kind of like him, so long as my eyes are closed. But I can definitively say Hello, It is NOT you I am looking for (get it? ‘Cause I don’t want to look at him). That was the best so far for me, dawg!

Jason Castro: He reminds me of some of the boys at my niece’s school. I still like this kid. He’s got a nice voice. It is unexpected song, but he does it well. I just don’t know if this song will resonate with the kids and housewives (and Tyler from DC101) who vote. (Gross story about the ripped out dreadlock). He is one of my favorites.

Is it sad that I have no idea which guy is left to sing..?
Oh it’s Jacuzzi!

Chikezie: I like this song. He keeps missing the notes slightly. (I always sing this song as “He builds me up”. Is that wrong?) Kind of a weird ending, but otherwise okay.

The people I vote off the stage are:
Luke Menard
Danny NoriAlba

AI Scandals

Okay, I admit I am a one trick pony when American Idol is on, but so what. Let's discuss scandals and interesting facts about season 7's contestants, shall we?

Michael Johns: under the name Michael Lee, with the band “Film”, the CD “Rolling” was released under the Maverick label in March 2001.

Brooke White: released an album in October 2006 called "Songs From the Attic" (which makes me thinks of "Flowers in the Attic" and maybe explains why I think Brooke seems a little crazy).

Robbie Carrico: Was in a band called “Boyz-N-Girlz United” that released a self titled album in 2000. The band opened for Britney Spears in her early (non-crazy) days. And now people are accusing him of wearing a wig... and that he dated Britney...

Carly Smithson: Before she married, she was Carly Hennessy and she released a CD called “Ultimate High” on MCA records in November 2001. Multi-million dollar promotion only helped her sell 378 copies.

Kristy Lee Cook: Was signed under Arista Nashville, BMI, and Britney Spears label in 2001. She released a CD in July 2005 called "Devoted" under the name Kristy Lee. The self proclaimed horse handler had a song called "Hold Your Horses". Good one, Kristy.

Luke Menard: Released at least four CDs with his (superbly annoying) acapella singing group "Chapter Six".

Kady Malloy: Released a demo cd in 2006.

I do think it is a bit unfair for these people who have already had contracts to be on this show, yet at the same time, it is a show to make a star, right? They ain't stars yet. So, whatever.

Just randomly:
Someone has photos on Maxim's Hometown Hotties; someone got popped for a DUI; someone might have nudie pics show up in National Enquirer; someone was getting naughty in their MySpace page pictures; someone was a male stripper; one of them made a stupid profane Christmas video; one of their supposed sex tape scandals was photoshopped; Someone's father is NOT Adam Archuleta (the NFLer); Jeff Healey died, but that really has nothing to do with anything save for sharing a last name with an already booted contestant; one of them dated Cheyenne Kimball and showed up on her show.

So AI is on tonight. Expect a recap sometime soon.

You better run, you better take a bath

Colin Hay (Formerly of Men at Work) will be at the Birchmere on Monday, April 21 at 7:30 pm. I love Colin Hay and the tickets are only $25. Anyone want to join me? The Birchmere is fun, and should I be flush with cash (unlikely), i might even spring for a pitcher of beer! ON A SCHOOL NIGHT!!!

Men at Work was my favorite band as a tyke and someone should join me to relive my golden era (of age 8).