Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Work clothes

Okay, so this is another old one. What, am I on holiday that I need to dig up old material to fill my deadline? Actually, no. But I have not had time to write anything and I keep finding these hilarious things I have written in the past. Okay, maybe not hilarious... But good enough. So read it. Gosh!

What is the deal with skirts? Has the feminist movement gotten us nowhere? Men don’t wear skirts, why should I have to? In an office where I might be seen by outside forces, I understand the concept of power dressing. Maybe also if I felt that my career choice to date was one I planned to pursue to the top, then I would be compelled to dress like a CEO. But the fact is, I don’t. I also am not seen by outside forces. The people who pass my cubicle only see me from the waist up. Maybe I could be like an anchorperson and wear a suit top and shorts. Come on now, is the way I dress going to affect the work I do? Can you tell by reading this if I am wearing a double-breasted suit or a pair of cut off Wranglers (not that Wranglers are even in my closet. But who knows, they might make a statement. One that does not say, “Look at me! I’m a cowboy!” Though I kind of want to be a cowboy. So maybe I should go get a pair of Wranglers.) I have a pair of Z. Cavaricci jeans. I love them. They are a throw back to the 70’s, no? I feel like one of Charlie’s Angels in them. They are a bit snug. Every time I wear them, my mother says “Who shot you into your pants?” (Come to think of it, she says that about all my jeans…) Back to dressing for work. Ok, we have an image to uphold. Understood. But, adding insult to injury, pantyhose? Ugh. I would love to see a guy walk around in pantyhose for an hour, much less eight. If they want ladies to cover their legs, then why the big push to wear skirts? Another thing, why are all work clothes dry clean only? Not only did I shell out $300 for this suit, but I also have to pay $15 every time I want to wear it again. AND, if I really want to look good, there is another $60 payment for tailoring. Plus, I had to take a class on French twisting my hair. What am I, a cop? Afraid that if I leave my hair down someone will tug on it and use it as a weapon on me? (Actually, with one person I know, it might be good for me to keep my hair out of reach.) I never did learn how to French twist. It is more of a Montreal twist. I also had to get all new makeup for the daytime look. (Ok, so I didn’t. But who can resist those awesome Christian Dior lip-glosses?) I think I need a raise.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Maxim cover girl

Prologue: A couple of years ago my best friend decided that I should enter a contest to get into Maxim the magazine... This is the story of the 24 hours before I sent in my pictures...

Who would not want to be on the cover of Maxim?
Just recently, the editors of Maxim were accepting entries for their second annual Girlfriend of the Day contest. Marci and I got together at my house to take some pictures. (Get your mind out of the gutter. Not those kind of pictures.) She decided that she wanted to enter me into the competition. (I am her friend and I am a girl… therefore, I am a girlfriend. Again, get your mind out of the gutter.)
So, I put a load of makeup on, fixed my hair and found the belly baring-est clothes I could find. Pose. Snap! Pose. Snap! Pose. Some movement catches our eyes. SCREAM! Big-ass bug flying around my room! Panic! I grab my baseball bat. But the bug is hiding under the bed. It comes out after a few minutes just to hear us scream again and scurry rapidly back under the bed. We are clinging to each other in mortal fear of the “Death bug” and the bug is most likely freaking out under the bed, its little heart pounding like mad. But every time it emerges, we scream again. Damn! Never knew we were such girls! Finally, we grab the vacuum cleaner and suck it up. Then, leaving the vacuum running so that the bug will not try to escape it, we contemplate our next step. We tape up the vacuum hose. That bug is not going to get us. Trauma behind us, we get back to the task at hand. We had to. Being the last minute dopes that we are, we had to take the pictures, develop them and send them into Maxim within 24 hours. Nothing like the last minute, eh?
The next day I had them developed. To save time, I had them put on a CD-ROM. When I went in to get them, the developer guy came out from behind his machine to help me, even though there were a couple of people ahead of me in line that were still waiting to be helped. (Curious.) And he did not charge me for the index print, which they always charge you for. (Curiouser.) So, (potentially scary) pictures in hand, I went home. Marci and I went through the pile and found the non-scariest of the bunch. Let me tell you, this was not an easy feat, but it was done. (Ok, I lie a bit, the picture we chose was pretty cute – Does that make me vain?) Paperwork filled out and picture sent in. Done! Marci and I popped open a couple of fudgesicles to celebrate (the fact that we actually finished something that we started was reason enough to celebrate). Imagine my surprise when the deadline for contacting me about being a contestant had passed without an email or call! But I am not completely deterred. I want to be on the cover of Maxim! If they won’t let me win that contest, maybe you guys can help me out. I was thinking that maybe a petition would work, or else if we make a huge stink about it, Maxim editors will take pity on me (like the pity people take on a three-legged dog. Don’t call me tripod.) and call me up.

In the end:
I actually did get picked to be one of the 100 chicks they put on their webpage to vote from. Alas, I did not make it in to the top ten. I still think I was supercute and they should put me on the cover. They should just be careful that the pictures they take are not quite as overexposed as the ones Marci and I took. We thought we'd need a whole lot of light. Yeah, well my skin, being almost perfectly white, takes all light and reflects it. So, actually, you need less light to photograph me. I, apparently, radiate my own.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


How is it possible that people don’t see that by removing food from a person, regardless if they feed themselves or not, is wrong? Are people seeing the Terri Schiavo case only for the fact that the government is getting involved and they are afraid that this will open the door for the government to dictate how they can live their lives? I understand that is a scary notion, but it does not under any circumstances negate that fact that this woman is not being held alive under the aid of machines. I don’t want the government involved in such matters either, but we can’t simply eradicate things that become a hindrance to our lives. By removing Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube, we are placing her under the category of disposable items. Is that what we have become? A nation that is so used to convenience that even our humans are disposable once they become an inconvenience? I don’t want to live in a country where people don’t place a value on a person’s life. You can tell me what you want about your rights and what you want out of your life. No one wants to be in Terri Schiavo’s place, or her family’s, but that is what happened to them and they should be commended for their faith and commitment to her. And if you want to make sure that it does not happen to you, write your living will and make sure that your family understands your wishes. But don’t stand there and tell me that it is right to kill someone, regardless of how little you think of their life.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Everyone is talking about...

Is Terri Schiavo really alive? I have been watching snippets of the news, as I am sure everyone has been. The news channels are inundated with Schiavo news as the future of this Florida woman becomes political. They show footage of her responding to stimuli. She has an almost smiling expression. I had heard of this case in the past, and had always assumed that Terri Schiavo was in a coma. They refer to her as being in a “permanent vegetative state”. I did not expect to find her somewhat reactive. I was not aware that the only tube she has is a feeding tube. I had previously thought that she was on all sorts of life support and were she unplugged from them, she would almost instantly die. It is cruel to let her starve to death. Is a feeding tube considered artificial life support? According to CNN, without liquids, it could take Schiavo two to four weeks to die from dehydration. That does not seem like it is the pathway between life and death for her. What I mean is that she can’t feed herself, so she needs a feeding tube. But that tube is not all that is keeping her alive. She would continue to live until she dies in two to four weeks from what ostensibly can only be considered neglect. After all, we don't let other people too weak or incapable of feding themselves starve to death. Taking out her feeding tube is akin to smothering her.
I understand that her husband would like to move on with his life. He wants to let her go. The only problem with his involvement is that he already has let her go. He has a whole new family. What is his motivation for being involved? If her family, the ones who are actually concerned with her day after day, want to continue to look after her and care for her, they should have that right. If you were a member of her family and were an active part of her life, there is no way that you would be okay with letting her starve to death. She looks at you. She moves. She reacts. I think seeing what had formerly been a vivacious, lively person relegated to becoming this shell, must be devastating. Some neurologists say that she has no higher brain activity. Understood. It does not, however erase that she is still your friend, sister, daughter, etc. My guess is that her family holds her dearly and the day she dies, for whatever reason, will be a day of great mourning. The hope is still in them; regardless if they are choose to accept that she will never be the person they once knew.
I, personally, am having the hardest time wrapping my brain around the whole situation. Her body is still alive. She is not dying. They want to kill her by removing her food and water. But what kind of life is this? I would not want to be in existence in this manner. I would not want someone I love to have to exist in this manner. Perhaps I feel this way because it would be too hard for me to deal with. I do not think we have a say in the matter, truthfully. She is alive. She is not struggling for life nor is she struggling for death.
Make no mistake about it. I am aware that Terri Schiavo is never going to be well. I understand that she might simply be reacting to stimuli, not to situations. But, we are not omnipotent. We can say from experience that she is never going to get better and that her brain could never heal from the damage. But we don't know all the things a human body is capable of. She will die when it is her time and if she needs a feeding tube in the meantime, she should have it. As long as she is alive, it is our duty to tend to her. We can’t just let her starve to death because she has become an inconvenience. It is not our place to play God.

On a side note: I understand that people might get up in arms about the cost of keeping Terri Schiavo alive. Unfortunately, to address this properly, we would have to address all of Medicare and welfare and any other aid that we give our citizens.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

I'm mean. So what?

We say the meanest things about people behind their backs and then justify it by saying we would say it to their faces. But would we? And even if we did, does that make it okay to be so mean at a time where the victim can't defend themself? Besides, I say that, but would I really say those cruel things to people's faces? I can't imagine that I would.