Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Friday, January 07, 2005

The Blackness Test

Marsha sent me the Black SAT Test. I took it and notated my results. This gauges how black you are. I would think, growing up near DC that I would be a bit more "Urban". Alas, I am not as urban as one would think. I am an embarrassment. I believe you could call me Whitey McHonky. My answers are in red. (Sorry to my mommy for the bad word in number 3.)



The Black SAT Test

Can you pass or will we have to revoke the "Brother/Sister" Cards? The Black SAT Test 5 Points Each (85 points needed to pass).

Number your paper from 1-20 and have at it!
I did this correctly. Do I get points for that?

1. "Boy/Girl if you keep it up, I'll slap the________ right out of your mouth!"
Uh, I said food. I think I was hungry.. Besides, I'd be mad if someone slapped food out of my mouth. I would probably look at 'em angrily and then at the food now lying on the floor. And then angrily at them again.

2. "Papa was a ________ stone."
Rolling FIVE POINTS FOR ME!

3. "Who in the hell left the ______ _______."
Shit floating in the bowl? Hell, I dunno. That would piss me off though. Gross.

4. What are the two words that we all know to be "fighting words"?
You ugly. I think them's fightin' words. I get points for this.

5. What was being sat on while watching the tide roll away?
I said pier, wouldn't ya know they were on the dock of the bay? Hey, I did not get the musical reference right away, bite me.

6. For this one, you have to think like a Jamaican, what two things come before "Tree"?
one two. I tink I am smart! FIVE POINTS!

7. What do we pass the "Dutchie" on?
Oh for cripes sake, I dunno. Maybe on a windmill? I hear Dutch, I think Holland. Is this right? NOOOOOOOOOOO

8. Finish the phrase "Peace, Love and _______."
Happiness. In yer face. 3 points for me because it is partial credit and I am rounding up.

9. Who recorded the song Popcorn Love?
Someone corny? (HA!) I dunno, but I think I should points for cleverness


10. Ron O. Neil played what character? And who produced the soundtrack?
I am so lame, I have no clue, so I guessed Shaft. But that was not right. So I did not know who produced and figured you can't go wrong with Quincy Adams, right? WRONG! Bastard. (And then re-reading this, I see I wrote Quincy Adams and not Quincy JONES. So not only am I wrong, I am a complete retard.)

11. "You have 2 choices, the ________ or the window?
The aisle? DAMMIT!

12. What day of the week did we become familiar with Smokey?
Why not Sunday? I thought maybe because there were a lot of picnics on Sundays and therefore extra forest fires and Smokey the bear came then, but I see my error now. They were talking about Smoky Robinson (I KNOW IT'S SMOKEY EYELINER) hehe I am so funny. signed, the Bandit..

13. Name the Hit TV show that starred Dwayne Wayne and Sinbad.
You know, I loved this show. Could not tell you the name of it was for all the tea in Britain. Well, I could now...

14. What TV show did we first see Martin Lawrence in?
Martin? Or maybe in Living Color? (Was he on that show?) I have not a clue. Who do they mean by we? We=them? we=royal we?

15. Bill Cosby and which other actor starred in "Uptown Saturday Night"?
What show is that? Can't even hazard a guess..

16. Who was Jo-Jo Dancer?
OK, I said Sammy Davis, Jr with Authority and was authoritatively wrong!

17. What type of meat is usually associated with Friday?
Fish. IN your faces Catholics! HA

18. When you were younger, what tool usually accompanied the old floor model TV?
Screwdriver is what I said, but I forgot about the wrench. There was also some metal stick that you could use to adjust the UHF. But I often used a screwdriver to replace the antenna. So I get points for this.


19. Before your Mom took you to the grocery store, she usually had to remind your black butt to do what?
I dunno. Don't forget the shopping list.

20. What one word did Florida Evans repeat 3 times when James died?
Lordy, Lordy, lordy? Ok, I know she did not say that. But it would have been cool, and maybe we'd be saying that today instead of DYNOMITE! Then again, who still says DYNOMITE! I actually remember her saying Damn, damn, damn. And just for the record, I thought that the actor who played James Evans really was dead until I saw him on Die Hard 2


*********************




ANSWERS:

1. TASTE
2. ROLLING
3. GATE OPEN
4. YOUR MA MA
5. THE DOCK OF THE BAY
6. 1 AND 2
7. ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE
8. SOUL (Partial credit if you said "Nappiness"or "Happiness")
9. NEW EDITION
10. SUPERFLY. THE LATE CURTIS MAYFIELD (Partial credit for one correct)
11.STAIRS
12. FRIDAY
13. A DIFFERENT WORLD
14. WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW
15. SIDNEY PORTIER
16. IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS,I'M NOT TELLING! YOU FAIL! - Richard Pryor
17. FISH
18. THE PLIERS [I would consider a wire hanger a tool]
19. NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!!
20. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

Scoring Indicates You Are:

85 and above:
True-blue Asiatic Black Afrikan (with a "k")

75-85:
African American, African European, African Caribbean, African
Canadian and all other Diaspora Africans. (Spell it with a "c")

65-75:
Uh, Negro.

55-65:
Barely passing: Tawny Octoroon.
**this is Marsha...see guys I am not as White Marsh as you
thought I was!

55 and under:
Definitely White.........Stop Fronting
(other wise known as Whitey McHonky)

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Old Diary

I found this old diary that I had been keeping of random thoughts of my day at work. I thought it was pretty funny and it seems to encapsulate my day at work fairly well. Things have not changed much in the years that have passed except that the guy who called me "toots" no longer calls me that after a vehement and almost violent exclamation of my dislike for that moniker. He now calls me "blonde haired girl". Clever, huh?


Tuesday, May 13, 2003

• Mind depressing boredom. I am hurting. I can’t even come up with things to entertain myself with. I believe that I have seen everything there is to be seen on the internet. I am not certain that I can get away with reading my book here. They pay me for this? In my efforts to lessen my boredom, I have learned about giant squids, parasitic twins, various diseases and all sorts of animals. Did you know that the tiger is bigger than a lion? (I do now!) I used to use up the excess time I had to fantasize about how great my life would be if I found a great guy and fell in love. Well, ever since I found a great guy, I can’t fantasize anymore. I have tried! But it feels so silly. Funny, it never used to. I am going to play solitaire for a while. Maybe that will help. Sigh…

• Check it out. I have gotten to the point where I am not afraid to read at my desk. This can’t bode well for my future at the company, can it? I mean, they already look down on me and now I have so much disrespect for my job that I am READING? I wonder why I still have a job. But you know, if I am not going to have to do anything, and they will keep paying me, I have no problem reading at my desk. Well, I did just throw it down because I heard the elf down the hall. I figure that we hate each other enough as is that he probably does not need that extra ammunition against me. He is such a punk. Well, not cool enough to be a punk, but you know what I mean.

• People, knowing I am bored out of my wee little mind are sending me quizzes to test my intelligence. So not only am I bored, I am finding that I am an idiot. Damn.

• I still am stuck here for 37 minutes, but I am strangely enjoying myself today. Is it the realization that it does not matter so much? Or the fact that I just ate a chocolate chip cookie and had some peppermint tea and spoke to the aforementioned boy? Mmmm.

• I am strangely clingy today. Lately, it is like I can’t get rid of you quickly enough. Today, any one who has been foolish enough to be social with me has been sucked into a black hole of chatter. They are held to my desk by a desperate string of stories. It’s like I am afraid to be left alone. What the hell?


Wednesday, May 14, 2003

• This morning I was driving along to work, late as it was, and these cars in front of me just stopped at a green light. Apparently, the one guy hit the other, but instead of getting off the road, they stopped at a green light. And there was almost a really huge accident. Scary. So now I am filled to the brim with adrenaline.

• I think the only reason I have this job is because they think I am pretty. This morning my boss already greeted me with “Hello, good looking.” Another guy, in talking on the telephone to a fellow that has a minor crush on me says to him, “Yeah, she looks good. She is wearing makeup today.” Then my female boss says, you look very pretty today. And then one of the other ladies says it too. ! Hmph. Not that it is bad to be thought of as pretty, but to be only thought of as pretty is insulting.

• You know what I hate? Stupid pop-ups on the internet. In the time it took me to type that last sentence, I was barraged by 4! And I am a ‘look at the keyboard while I type’ kind of typist. Therefore, I think I have typed a million words, only to look up and see a survey pop-up window questioning who the sexiest actor in Hollywood is. Dammit! That really pisses me off. AND I have to retype everything I thought I had already gotten down.

• I was just in Starbucks and I had to go potty. On the paper towel dispenser it details, with pictures, how to wash your hands. So for fun, I washed my hands, and then checked to see how I did. Not too shabby. Probably 90%. I did not turn of the water with a paper towel as it indicated to do. But I did wash my hands for the required 20 seconds and with soap, no less.

• I bought four books today. One, The Last Days of Summer I have read many times before, but everytime I loan it to someone, it is not returned and I absolutely love it. So, I bought it for the 8th time. I am so excited. I have all these new experiences waiting for me. New lives and ideas that have never even crossed my mind. Love it.


Thursday, May 15, 2003

• I tried to come in in a good mood today, but these people have this miraculous knack at making me feel bad. Not only feel bad but also piss me off. And they go from being super friendly and wanting to be my “friend” to wanting everything professional. How can they expect me to be professional when they just got through touching my shoulder and calling me “toots” fifteen minutes ago? These people are jacked in the head.

• My back is killing me. I know it is partially remnants of boxing class, and partially bad back. But I took 800 mg of ibuprofen earlier and it took 4 hours to take effect. And I am still feeling like I would rather die that deal with this pain. Yuck. But then again, maybe it is better than death. Who can say?

• I am eating Runts® candy. I think I may come out unscathed, but only because I spit one particularly hard dude into the trash. Who at Willy Wonka Candy decided that if they flavoured rocks like lime, they’d be a great selling candy treat? Ow.


Friday, May 16, 2003

• Apparently I had nothing to say on Friday.


Monday, May 19, 2003

• During lunch today, which was chicken kabobs, I wished I had more mushrooms. What if my wish had come true and it was the only wish I’d get for my whole life, and I wasted it on mushrooms? The funny thing was how I wished it in my head. It sounded like a formal wish. I really did want more. They were really good. Maybe it would not have been such a wasted wish after all.

• I am feeling so passive aggressive, but it never works to get you where you want. It pisses you off, and the person you are being passively aggressive towards. And then everyone just is all pissy.


Thursday, April 1, 2004

• Apparently I did not have anything to say for a long time. I was in the midst of entertaining myself during slow times with rousing games of solitaire. I believe my brain has atrophied and I have not had a creative or intelligent thought in an awfully long time.

Scary stuff

I was driving to work this morning and on one of the radio shows, they had the directors of AA-EVP. (American Association of Electronic Voice Phenomena)
They were totally freaking me out with these recordings they would play that came across through white noise of people who had died saying things like "Where's mom?" and "Get out of my house". So apparently, what happens is that energy can come across through the radio, computer, TV, etc. and be heard as the words of a dead person. There is a movie coming out called "White Noise" and therefore the new examination of this phenomena called Electronic Voice Phenomena. I started reading more about it, and decided that if someone contacted me that way, it would be kind of neat, if it was a friend or a family member. I can't imagine anyone else talking to me. Nobody has so far. But, it seems kind of sad, too. Because someone asking "where's mom?" doesn't seem like they'd know that they are dead. I really hope that the movie doesn't make the whole thing seem hokey. But I just love Michael Keaton, so I will watch it either way.

The other thing that freaked me out this morning was on the Discovery Channel last night about a volcano in the Canary Islands that could break off a huge chunk of land that would cause a tsunami that would have waves of 55 yards. That's a 15 story tall building. This wave is supposed to decimate the east coast of the United States. I thought, maybe it is time to move to Colorado with my sister. But then I read some more and other scientists were calling this scaremongering and that the possibility of a comet landing on the Earth is just as possible. (See the article) But then I started thinking that natural disasters are God's way of population control. They are necessary. If we did not have things like this happen, our planet would be so overridden with people that we would end up with all sorts of disease and cannibalism and other horrifying things. And I decided that if that's necessary, then I am okay with it and should I be one to go in a natural disaster, well then that's okay too.So, maybe things are not so scary after all.

Well, except going to sleep at night. Lately every noise freaks me out... I'll work on that later.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Oooh, I get to Blog too!

My first blog site. What a dumb word that is. Blog. Especially for me who keeps typing it as "bolg".
I was reading my friend's blog site and she inspired me with her clever writing to steal her idea and write my own thoughts. Maybe this will keep me from obsessively emailing my friends throughout the day and keeping them from accomplishing their work and making the world a better place to live in. But as I write this, I wonder how I will access it again? I don't even remember my code name.
I don't really have anything to write about. Maybe I should attach a photo or something. I hope that I get more clever as time goes on or else I may have to beg for forgiveness.
Yay, my first blog is done for now. Maybe I will be inspired later. Woo! Technology.