Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Friday, January 07, 2005

The Blackness Test

Marsha sent me the Black SAT Test. I took it and notated my results. This gauges how black you are. I would think, growing up near DC that I would be a bit more "Urban". Alas, I am not as urban as one would think. I am an embarrassment. I believe you could call me Whitey McHonky. My answers are in red. (Sorry to my mommy for the bad word in number 3.)



The Black SAT Test

Can you pass or will we have to revoke the "Brother/Sister" Cards? The Black SAT Test 5 Points Each (85 points needed to pass).

Number your paper from 1-20 and have at it!
I did this correctly. Do I get points for that?

1. "Boy/Girl if you keep it up, I'll slap the________ right out of your mouth!"
Uh, I said food. I think I was hungry.. Besides, I'd be mad if someone slapped food out of my mouth. I would probably look at 'em angrily and then at the food now lying on the floor. And then angrily at them again.

2. "Papa was a ________ stone."
Rolling FIVE POINTS FOR ME!

3. "Who in the hell left the ______ _______."
Shit floating in the bowl? Hell, I dunno. That would piss me off though. Gross.

4. What are the two words that we all know to be "fighting words"?
You ugly. I think them's fightin' words. I get points for this.

5. What was being sat on while watching the tide roll away?
I said pier, wouldn't ya know they were on the dock of the bay? Hey, I did not get the musical reference right away, bite me.

6. For this one, you have to think like a Jamaican, what two things come before "Tree"?
one two. I tink I am smart! FIVE POINTS!

7. What do we pass the "Dutchie" on?
Oh for cripes sake, I dunno. Maybe on a windmill? I hear Dutch, I think Holland. Is this right? NOOOOOOOOOOO

8. Finish the phrase "Peace, Love and _______."
Happiness. In yer face. 3 points for me because it is partial credit and I am rounding up.

9. Who recorded the song Popcorn Love?
Someone corny? (HA!) I dunno, but I think I should points for cleverness


10. Ron O. Neil played what character? And who produced the soundtrack?
I am so lame, I have no clue, so I guessed Shaft. But that was not right. So I did not know who produced and figured you can't go wrong with Quincy Adams, right? WRONG! Bastard. (And then re-reading this, I see I wrote Quincy Adams and not Quincy JONES. So not only am I wrong, I am a complete retard.)

11. "You have 2 choices, the ________ or the window?
The aisle? DAMMIT!

12. What day of the week did we become familiar with Smokey?
Why not Sunday? I thought maybe because there were a lot of picnics on Sundays and therefore extra forest fires and Smokey the bear came then, but I see my error now. They were talking about Smoky Robinson (I KNOW IT'S SMOKEY EYELINER) hehe I am so funny. signed, the Bandit..

13. Name the Hit TV show that starred Dwayne Wayne and Sinbad.
You know, I loved this show. Could not tell you the name of it was for all the tea in Britain. Well, I could now...

14. What TV show did we first see Martin Lawrence in?
Martin? Or maybe in Living Color? (Was he on that show?) I have not a clue. Who do they mean by we? We=them? we=royal we?

15. Bill Cosby and which other actor starred in "Uptown Saturday Night"?
What show is that? Can't even hazard a guess..

16. Who was Jo-Jo Dancer?
OK, I said Sammy Davis, Jr with Authority and was authoritatively wrong!

17. What type of meat is usually associated with Friday?
Fish. IN your faces Catholics! HA

18. When you were younger, what tool usually accompanied the old floor model TV?
Screwdriver is what I said, but I forgot about the wrench. There was also some metal stick that you could use to adjust the UHF. But I often used a screwdriver to replace the antenna. So I get points for this.


19. Before your Mom took you to the grocery store, she usually had to remind your black butt to do what?
I dunno. Don't forget the shopping list.

20. What one word did Florida Evans repeat 3 times when James died?
Lordy, Lordy, lordy? Ok, I know she did not say that. But it would have been cool, and maybe we'd be saying that today instead of DYNOMITE! Then again, who still says DYNOMITE! I actually remember her saying Damn, damn, damn. And just for the record, I thought that the actor who played James Evans really was dead until I saw him on Die Hard 2


*********************




ANSWERS:

1. TASTE
2. ROLLING
3. GATE OPEN
4. YOUR MA MA
5. THE DOCK OF THE BAY
6. 1 AND 2
7. ON THE LEFT HAND SIDE
8. SOUL (Partial credit if you said "Nappiness"or "Happiness")
9. NEW EDITION
10. SUPERFLY. THE LATE CURTIS MAYFIELD (Partial credit for one correct)
11.STAIRS
12. FRIDAY
13. A DIFFERENT WORLD
14. WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW
15. SIDNEY PORTIER
16. IF YOU DON'T KNOW THIS,I'M NOT TELLING! YOU FAIL! - Richard Pryor
17. FISH
18. THE PLIERS [I would consider a wire hanger a tool]
19. NOT TO TOUCH ANYTHING!!
20. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!

Scoring Indicates You Are:

85 and above:
True-blue Asiatic Black Afrikan (with a "k")

75-85:
African American, African European, African Caribbean, African
Canadian and all other Diaspora Africans. (Spell it with a "c")

65-75:
Uh, Negro.

55-65:
Barely passing: Tawny Octoroon.
**this is Marsha...see guys I am not as White Marsh as you
thought I was!

55 and under:
Definitely White.........Stop Fronting
(other wise known as Whitey McHonky)

1 Comments:

Blogger Claudette said...

Heh, Buggy McHonkey is great for a mood lifter. Thank you kindly for sharing some laughs my white princess. Fight the power. :holding up right fist:
Solid.

1/07/2005 11:51:00 PM  

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