Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Maybe my hands are bi?

I am glad that I do not have man hands.
Now I have always lamented the fact that I do not have delicate, bourgeois hands with piano playing fingers. My hands have a broad square palm and are very strong. My fingers, while not shrimpy, are also not long. My finger nail beds are short and square, like my palms. In short, I have peasant, working hands. But, they are still girly.
I have been noticing some really manly hands on women. They always seem to overcompensate with heavy red nail polish which makes them look drag-queenish. None of my friends have hands like that, so I always thought my hands were sort of masculine, but they are so not. (I mean, in comparison to my pals hands, maybe rougher looking, but still, not dude-like.)
And as you all know, I adore my mother, yet look nothing like her. We share the same hands and regardless of where my life might take me, I will always have a bit of her with me, because I can hold my own hand and pretend she is there with me.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

My wish list

  1. I want to be able to give love with no strings attached.
  2. I want to receive love with no strings attached.
  3. I want a kiss that sends chills and thrills up and down my spine.
  4. I want to want that kiss again and again and again and again and again and again and again.
  5. I want to feel safe in someone's arms.
  6. I want to be smart and be dumb and be pretty and ugly and funny and dimwitted all without feeling self conscious.
  7. I want to complain about things that are complicated in my life without someone trying to fix them for me or tell me what I am doing wrong.
  8. I want a chance to be better than I am right now.
  9. I want my mother to be proud of me.
  10. I want to be challenged mentally, physically, spiritually.
  11. I want people to stop holding me to a higher standard, yet never allowing me to prove myself.
  12. I want to stop freaking out that I am not smart enough or pretty enough. Because dammit, I am more than pretty and I am more than smart.
  13. I want a dog. (And enough money and time to be a good dog mom)
  14. I want that damn Prada bag I saw at Neiman's the other day. (Oh, come on! You knew there had to be some sort of materialistic thingie... No?)
  15. I want to know that this is not all there is to me.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Why is it that women are still not automatically considered equal to men?
I was watching Commander in Chief. This show has everyone attempting to undermine the President. I get that people may attempt to undermine any President, but it is extreme the way this one, who is female, is being attacked. The worst part was the woman who was bound and determined to bring her down single handedly. (Geena Davis' President fired her.) What is the cattiness amongst women? Why do we sabotage each other? Men have this brotherhood amongst them, helping each other along. Women tend to work individually, not sparing a chance to stab another lady in the back. (This is obviously a blanket statement, so don't lecture me.) It's clear that this occurs because there are not that many opportunities for women, that they feel they need to do whatever it takes to succeed. What if the tide changed and women started to support each other. How the world would change.

Then during the commercial break came an ad for Bank of America. They are apparently the bank for women. Why do we need a bank for us? I do not understand how there is still such an intense discrepancy between the treatment of men and women.
Do you remember in school, how the girls usually did better in class? And women can do more than one thing at a time. Women can nurture and get people back in line at the same time.

Turn it around. This is absolutely ridiculous. We have one woman who is high up in the HQ of my company. One woman. She is smart. She deserves the position and does an excellent job. So why are there still rumblings behind her back?