Party favors

Clussy's wedding in November will include the following:

 

All Inclusive Plan: Breakfast, lunch and dinner, 24hour room service, unlimited snacks, unlimited non alcoholic / alcoholic (premium and domestic brands) beverages, daily entertainment, live nightly entertainment, in room mini-bar (restocked daily), all taxes

and gratuities included.

 

Why do I read it like this? 

 

 

daily entertainment, live nightly entertainment in room 

(NICE! Did you plan this, Cluss? What kind of entertainment? Daily AND nightly? Hmm.)

Who's Johnny - El DeBarge

A little flashback never hurt anybody. So, this is for all of you who learned to do a kickass Indian accent because of Short Circuit and to the person that El DeBarge apparently beat up yesterday.

Geez, I loved this song! Look how cute he was. How could any 13 year old girl not dig his big flashlight eyes? Of course I am talking about #5 (who is ALIVE!). (Look at El DeBarge who is a little Sanjaya-like, 'cept he can sing..)

Enjoy!

In my stars

My horoscope today:

 

Cancer
For Wednesday, August 29 - Sometimes a good memory can be a blessing, and sometimes it can be a curse -- like today, when a fading friendship makes you wistful for the way things used to be. On the other hand, there is a new acquaintance in your life, and you should feel happy that you have the time you need to build the relationship -- there is a lot of potential there, and you can sense it. People enter and exit your life, and sometimes exits are for the best. Do not think of ending a relationship as a failure.

 

My horoscopes are generally eerily accurate. This is no different. I just got to spend some time with a friend I have not seen in about 7 years. We all got together at her house, just like we used to at Harms and Marci's house ever so many years ago. It was so great to get the 5 of us together again and it did make me wistful for times past. 

 

The ex and I are completely through after giving each other a half hearted re-try. He believed that after 5 years of absolutely corroding any good feelings I had for him, he could just pop his head back in, say sorry, and we'd be like we were when we first met. It did not work that out way, and once he learned that he would actually have to put some effort into it, he gave me the whole "I can't give you what you want" speech. Truthfully, I am glad. He was no good for me. Maybe I was infatuated with him when we met, but it was a long time ago and many things have changed. At least they have changed for me. I am glad I gave it a try, if for nothing else, to know that he is not a part of how I see my future. I don't believe I will ever entertain the notion of "what if" with him. But I thought maybe we could be cordial and after some time had passed, I sent him a text saying best wishes with his job. He responded with an attack about our relationship. So, the friendship is not a part of my future, either. Meh, what can you do? As my horoscope says "sometimes exits are for the best".

 

 

I dunno...

I don't know about Senator Craig's alleged attempt at a sexual tryst with a plainclothes officer in the bathroom of a Minneapolis airport. Read the police report here and tell me if you don't think that the officer may have possibly misconstrued some of the actions, if these actions took place at all.

If he is guilty, then he should be ashamed of himself for trying to get freaky in a public bathroom, 'cause that is just not right. But very honestly, if the chick in the stall next to mine at the Orioles game was sending me some romantical signals, I totally missed them, because I am not loking for that kind of stuff. Actually, truth be told, I had no idea I was supposed to be looking for them. But even so, all I will do now, when I get the under stall hand-swipe signal for some same-sex lovin', is slip some toilet paper into her hand. 

The way the police report is written, it seems like that cop was sitting in that stall, shakin' in his boots at the idea that someone may attempt something lewd with him. Perhaps Craig really does have a wide potty stance. Maybe he was reaching for a piece of paper. Perhaps he does not see very well, and that is why it appeared it was staring into the stall. Besides, what was the cop doing in the stall to make it appear authentic that he was actually performing an act that is an "actual intended use of the restroom"? I bring this up, because those spaces in the door are huge. I can see all sorts of stuff going on when I am hopping from on foot to the other in line for the potty at Carpool. I am not even trying to look.

Crackety crack! Don't talk back!

I went to the chiropractor after work yesterday. Nothing was cracked as my back has been spasming out for the past few days, BUT I was in for a treat. My chiropractor provides a masseuse for therapeutic massage.

 

I waddled over to her door where I found her snoozing in a chair. I waggled my finger at her and said, "No no, missy. The snoozing' is meant for me!" She opened her eyes unabashedly and told me to get naked. (Now we're talking!). She left the room. I got naked (ish). When she came back, I was halfway to dreamland safely tucked under my sheet. I think it was the Vietnamese music that lulled me. My mom is Vietnamese, you know.

 

The masseuse came in. I prepared for heaven! Alas, what came next were wild waves of HELL! Using a steamroller, she plowed my back until she found one super sensitive area by my right shoulder that she apparently came to have a violent disagreement with. Next thing I know, they are throwing down, and I am biting the towel that it covering the face rest. Holy smokes! She was trying to see if she could pop my tendons. Each touch forced a wild new expression of pain from me and I lay there, completely contorted. This seemed to go on for hours. Then she pulled my shoulder from its socket and found satisfaction in its helpless cascade of cracks. She moved on to the other side.

 

I think the masseuse has a thing against angels and I believe I may have been an angel or was on my way to becoming one. The knots she spent so much time obliterating were what I now to believe to have been the delicate buds of my angel wings. ( And girls, we all remember how delicate one must be with little buds…). Now I will never get to fly and it is all her fault. (I am thinking I would have been a Seraphim. They have really big wings).

 

I believe I may have blacked out from the pain because shortly thereafter it was over and I was free to remove myself from the table. She even left behind a spatula-like devise with which I could unwedge myself, as my pain had forced me to press my full weight into the table. I got up and noticed not only a Bug shaped form in the cushions, but also a hole where I had bitten through the towel. Ouchie!

 

 

I can't wait to go back next week!

Ho no.

Okay, maybe not the most illustrious title I could give this entry, but I could not resist.

 

Kia Vaughn, of the Rutgers Women's Basketball team, has decided to file a lawsuit against Don Imus for slander and libel. Just Kia. What if his stupid words were directed at everyone on the team EXCEPT her?

 

She is asking for money to make up for the damage done. We all know how money solves these problems. If she wins, this is great news for me and bad news for all the idiots at the bars who call me a bitch after I tell them that I would not like for them to buy me a drink, thankyouverymuch.

 

 

My Two Cents

Karl Rove looks like Mr. Potato Head.

Sum Yung Gai

I overheard a co-worker ordering Chinese food from a local delivery place yesterday and have since had a hankering for the aforementioned cuisine. So today, though not feeling 100%, I ordered me up some chicken fried rice. I was so excited and practically hopped to the door when it was delivered. Please don't judge me on having it delivered. It is free and they only have to walk across the street, which means I could have picked it up by walking across the street, but we are not talking about me here, okay?

I sat down with a couple of co-workers to experience the heavenly delight of hot, greasy rice kernels coupled with chicken and egg pieces.

Eating Chinese food is much like having a one night stand. You bring it home, thinking what a great idea it is. You indulge yourself for a half hour (or however long it takes) and then you push it away, feeling disgusted and regretting every move. You may even think, damn. I am going to pay for this later.

 

Besides, you're hungry again an hour later. (You skank).

 

:)

Mares, swears and fairs

My niece is in 4-H. She is showing her lamb whose name I can't recall and her goat, Roxy. (I'd like to say the lamb is Mabel, but I think that is my thinking and not reality.) My sister has to pay a ten dollar fee so that she can get her daughter in and out of the fair to show and feed her critters. That's crap, I say. But I think it will be (hopefully) a neat experience for the girl. (Who is my very wonderful God-child).

 

Growing up in (almost) DC, I had surprising amounts of interaction with animals. I grew up riding horses even though my mum was never too excited about them. She faithfully took me and my sister to Tamarack Stables, where on one fateful day, Windjammer, the wildly huge and young beast, took off galloping with me. I held on for dear life whilst having the wind knocked out of me. Hoo-wee. But I have never forgotten his name, and truth be told, I chose to ride him after that. Hmm, what does that say about me?

 

My sister and I were taken to Holland on a trip with my aunt and uncle when I was eight. Again, finding myself astride a huge white beast whose name I do not remember, we rode through the pretty country side. Suddenly, I was thrown clear back into Germany. My sister made me get back on that horse. That woman takes no crap from anybody, and truth be told, I was a little scared of her. (And I revered her, so what can you do?) I got back on the horse. I had these holes on the insides of my knees because the seam of my jeans were rubbing my skin where I was pressing in my legs to hold on to the horse. Those holes hurt like an almighty bear, I say. Weird that I never had that problem again.

 

I miss my riding boots. I used to go to a pony camp in Radevormwald, in northern Germany. My fellow camp-mates and I would go splashing through the creek and the mud with no cares. Nothing got through those boots. Well, nothing unless you went into the creek too deep and the water spilled over the top, giving a nasty cold and wet surprise to your previously impervious feet. The moral of this quip is that I want a pair of Wellingtons.

 

What started off to be the point of this long winded narration was the Montgomery County Fair is this weekend. Does anyone want to go?

Go kind of find out what I have to say.

I had myself a little interview here. One of the questions was whether I did the blog for a living/what I did for a living. I did not care to actually state what my job is so I answered the other part of the question. So I look like I am a bit of a dummy when the question that is posted is "What do you do for a living?" and I wrote "This is fun for me. I have met a ton of people this way and it allows me to address issues that are on my mind. " Er, whaaat? Meh, what can ya do? I also like that they just cut me off at some point. Okay,  I am long-winded. It's not new to me. I was told that I never shut up, last night. (I got the last word in, though. I said "I'll shut up now!" and hung up the phone.)

 

But go read my wise words and if you are up for it, vote for me. I will shower you with kisses, or slaps. Whatever floats your boat.

 

Now I am never going over the Bay Bridge again!

Terrifying and unbelievable.

 

As someone who has a natural aversion to bridges, the collapse of the Minneapolis bridge is exceptionally horrifying. It's so mind-boggling that a foundation like that can break apart with seemingly little force. I have no idea what structural damage had been accrueing, but it had been inspected and (barely) passed. How does it come apart in such a spectacular way? Not to minimize the horror of what truly happened, but imagine this being the GW bridge in New York during rush hour.

Marci was just in Minneapolis. What if she had been on the bridge?

Terrifying and unbelievable.

I wish that...

1. Insecure people would not bring other people down in order to make themselves feel better.
2. Being friendly was not misconstrued as flirting.
3. DC drivers would relax and look out for their fellow drivers instead of cutting in and out of traffic and/or keeping people from merging/changing lanes.
4. US companies shut down during the month of August like companies in Europe do.
5. Life truly rewarded those who deserved it, instead of those who manipulate it.