Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Crackety crack! Don't talk back!

I went to the chiropractor after work yesterday. Nothing was cracked as my back has been spasming out for the past few days, BUT I was in for a treat. My chiropractor provides a masseuse for therapeutic massage.


I waddled over to her door where I found her snoozing in a chair. I waggled my finger at her and said, "No no, missy. The snoozing' is meant for me!" She opened her eyes unabashedly and told me to get naked. (Now we're talking!). She left the room. I got naked (ish). When she came back, I was halfway to dreamland safely tucked under my sheet. I think it was the Vietnamese music that lulled me. My mom is Vietnamese, you know.


The masseuse came in. I prepared for heaven! Alas, what came next were wild waves of HELL! Using a steamroller, she plowed my back until she found one super sensitive area by my right shoulder that she apparently came to have a violent disagreement with. Next thing I know, they are throwing down, and I am biting the towel that it covering the face rest. Holy smokes! She was trying to see if she could pop my tendons. Each touch forced a wild new expression of pain from me and I lay there, completely contorted. This seemed to go on for hours. Then she pulled my shoulder from its socket and found satisfaction in its helpless cascade of cracks. She moved on to the other side.


I think the masseuse has a thing against angels and I believe I may have been an angel or was on my way to becoming one. The knots she spent so much time obliterating were what I now to believe to have been the delicate buds of my angel wings. ( And girls, we all remember how delicate one must be with little buds…). Now I will never get to fly and it is all her fault. (I am thinking I would have been a Seraphim. They have really big wings).


I believe I may have blacked out from the pain because shortly thereafter it was over and I was free to remove myself from the table. She even left behind a spatula-like devise with which I could unwedge myself, as my pain had forced me to press my full weight into the table. I got up and noticed not only a Bug shaped form in the cushions, but also a hole where I had bitten through the towel. Ouchie!



I can't wait to go back next week!


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