Cleanliness is close to Godliness

I am sitting at my computer while two very nice ladies are scrubbing my house (that has years of filth baked in, or so it feels to me). I feel so awkward sitting here, screwing around, while they do hard labor that I do not want to do (but truthfully should be doing myself to save the money). I hate to clean. I hate it so much that knowing they were coming this morning, I woke up singing songs of glee. I do have to admit to having run around straightening so they would not think I was a complete slob.
I wish they would sing little songs, like "Just a spoon full of sugar". Well, maybe wishes only come true one at a time.
I am feeling in the way. I don't know what to do with myself. I am sure they would much rather that I were at work or someplace so they could work in freedom. Perhaps then they would be singing. And cute outfits? No. I know that is expecting far too much, but seriously, for the money they want, I could have some cute outfits and a nice little song production. Is a dance too much to ask for? (Says the girl who is asking them to clean her toilet.) Squeee, clean toilet! Okay, wow. That makes it sound like I never clean my toilet. That is just not right. I do clean it. I just don't have to right now! Yay!
I may just find out what color my carpets truly are, too. They brought a vacuum. A Vacuum! AND they are going to mop the floors. All the footprints left over from the Oscar party will be soon gone, and I will only have the memories to remind me.
It already smells good in here. I opened the windows because it is just such a beautiful day. The smell of fresh air mixing with cleaning solutions smells like this side of heaven. Especially when wafting over me as I move nothing but my nubby fingers over this keyboard, which could use a little dusting itself. Uh oh.. Am I turning into a spoiled socialite? No work. Throw parties. Cleaning people come to take care of my mess? Oh geez, I am.

Prepping for the 2007 Snarkademy Awards!

The Second Annual Snarkademy Awards! (See recap of prep for 2006 here.)
I invited a ton of people, but I think a bunch are going to bow out because of this stuff:

I shoveled the walk with my dust pan, though, so I think people should come just because of that. Not only did I shovel my own entrance and steps, but I also did the big steps that I have fallen up and down many a time throughout the years I have lived here.

Movin' on. Let's get to the bar. This year I supplied the stuff left over from last year AND a cocktail called the "Babel" (which Marci kept calling the baybel, but I had a hard time decided it was Bahbel or baybel myself, so I only laughed at her a little.) This beverage was passionate fruit juice with lime, grapefruit and regular vodka, triple sec, the juices of a blood orange, half a lime and half a lemon, half a can of Fresca and a half liter bottle of soda water. We ran out of that pretty quickly so I also made "Big Old Sunshine". (Get it? Little Miss Sunshine grew up?) That was Orange Juice, soda water, cranberry and lime vodkas. Yum. I also had Magic Hat beer that was presented by "The Prestige" and "The Illusionist". (Get it? They are movies about magic..)

Ah, the Swag Bags. I think this is the reason people actually attend. This years bags were clear cellophane with a clear "2nd Annual Snarkademy Awards" label on them.

If you look closely, you can see that I decorated the table with old movie ticket stubs. Mmm, hmm.

The swag bags contain:

• Star Crunch from L'il Debbie. You remember why. They were in there last year. You know, I ate one of these yesterday and it was NOT as good as I remember. What the he..?
• Water Pistol (Sponsored by "The Departed")
• Lipton Green Tea powder. New product brought to you by "The Queen"
• Smiley face yellow kooshy toy brought to you by "Little Miss Sunshine"
• Ring Pop brought to you by "Blood Diamond"
• Smarties Connect Three game
• Quakers Granola bites. (These, too, are new and therefore must be added for publicity. You know that if the cool kids attending the Snarkademy Awards are eating them, so will everyone else)

As for food, well, I forgot what eaters I have for friends and served them Hummus with carrots and pita chips; smoked Gouda and Wheat Thins crackers; Boursin and Pretzel crackers; wasabi peas; cinnamon popcorn by Act 1; regular popcorn; Junior Mints, jelly beans, Sour Patch Kids, Non Pareils, Raisinets, Milk Duds, twizzlers and randomly mango slices. Luckily Marci brought "Little Miss Sunshine" cupcakes. Unluckily for me, she took the leftovers home before I could snag one to save for later.

Oscar picks

Note: Bug’s picks are who I think should win, not who I believe will win.

Best actor

Leonardo DiCaprio: best known to me as Luke Brower; the cute but unnecessary addition to the “Growing Pains” household. And Kirk Cameron now is selling Christ to people on his webpage? My friend Alex ran into Kirk Cameron on a ski slope and she had that picture with him proudly displayed on her vanity mirror. He was brilliant in his turn as Danny, the diamond smuggler in “Blood Diamond”. AND he pulled off a convincing South African accent which is brutally difficult, you know, unless you are Charlize Theron.

Ryan Gosling: I saw him in “The Notebook” and did not stop weeping for days. He is supposed to have been brilliant in this film, but I did not see it. They say “Half Nelson” is like the “Crash” of last year and could take the Academy by surprise. I do not see it happening.

Peter O’Toole: Falls for his friends punky granddaughter in “Venus”. I have not seen this yet either, but as he has been nominated 7 times before, and has only received an honorary Oscar, I think he will be going home empty handed yet again.

Will Smith: I have not seen “Pursuit of Happyness”. I know, it is like what movies HAVE you seen, Bug?

Forest Whitaker: It is about time you play an exceptional role, Forest. I have always thought he was a good actor. I thought he was great in “The Last King of Scotland”, though honestly this role seemed more like a supporting role with James McEvoy’s character Dr. Garrigan being the lead. And he was completely overlooked. One of my biggest rationale for picking an Oscar winner is that no one else could have played the role as well as the one cast in it. Truthfully, I would have liked to have seen Michael Clark Duncan in it. He looks like Idi Amin.

Critics pick: Forest Whitaker
Bug picks: Forest Whitaker

Best Actress

Penelope Cruz: Used to date Tom Cruise. Her credibility is shot! She is supposed to be really great in her native Spanish films and Pedro Almadovar seems to just love her. She annoys me, but I have never seen her in a Spanish film.

Judi Dench: is terrifying in “Notes on a Scandal”. I never noticed it before, but she looks a bit like my mom’s neighbor Mary. I think that Judi Dench is brilliant. She plays this role without being obsequious, even though her character is internally falling all over Sheba, the art teacher. Dench walks a fine line between wicked and human, but you still end up feeling for her.

Helen Mirren: Looked like the Queen. She brought a character that we are all very familiar with, to life. I know that the Queen is a real person, but we never see anything past the hats , the corgies and the weird little wave. It was extraordinary to see how almost ordinary the Windsor’s live (you know, save for the palace, and all…). I loved her Wellingtons.

Meryl Streep: Love her. She, too, brought humanity to a vicious character. But again, falls into the category of anyone else could have played this role.

Kate Winslet: I did not see this film. A truly remarkable actress. I am a huge fan.

Critcs pick: Helen Mirren
Bug's pick: Helen Mirren

Best Supporting Actor

Alan Arkin: Ha! So brilliant. Won’t win. Comedic actors never do.

Jackie Earle Haley: Sex offender in “Little Children”. Did not see it. Have not heard much chatter about him.

Djimon Hounsou: In the film “Blood Diamond”, he managed to keep all of his limbs intact and stay alive. On the set, he was almost executed by a man who took exception to him being alive. He was saved when Leonardo DiCaprio stepped between the gun and Hounsou and told the shooter he would have to shoot through him to shoot Djimon. I think Djimon Hounsou is a tremendous actor. I think he was great in this film. I worry a bit that it again, is a role someone else could have played just as well. He would be my pick otherwise.

Eddie Murphy: Is nominated? For this role? He was utterly forgettable to me and if he wins, I may just boycott the Academy Awards next year. I think there are some politics here and it is possible that by doing that “Norbit” film, he shot himself in the foot with the snobs in the Academy.

Mark Wahlberg: He has really become a great actor. Once, when Marci went to LA, I told her to tell Marky Mark that I say hello, and then she saw him at the Coffee Bean on Sunset. I tell you, I am psychic! I loved him in this film, but it did not seem that very Oscar worthy to me.

Recap: This is a difficult category for me. None of these roles are particularly award worthy.

Critics pick: Eddie Murphy (Whaaa…?)
Bug’s Pick: Alan Arkin

Best Supporting Actress

Adriana Barraza: She was the nanny in “Babel”. I dunno. She was good and boy I felt sorry for her, but it was not that captivating of a role and again, anyone could have played it just as well.

Cate Blanchett: Won this award in 2005. They won’t let her win again so soon. She brought to life this character of Sheba in “Notes on a Scandal”. I think another actor could have let this role become very one dimensional.

Abigail Breslin: Better known to me as the kid sister to Spencer Breslin who played the kid in one of my favorite guilty pleasures “The Kid”. Abigail is ten years old. Adorable, check. Funny, check. Gonna win? Not going to happen. Relax, Tatum. You still reign that throne.

Jennifer Hudson: shrieked at me. Will she completely fall away after this? Was this her one role? If she does win the Oscar and that does happen, she should have to give it back. Hmph. I don’t know. I just don’t think this film was good. Apparently the academy did, though because DAMN! 8 nods.

Rinko Kikuchi: I am a little jaded when it comes to her and it is not her fault. It is because her story line did not fit into this film at all. She was excellent, though. I did not need to see her soft parts. Thankyouverymuch.

Critics pick: Jennifer Hudson
Bug’s pick: Rinko Kikuchi (Though only for lack of better choices.) Maybe I would pick Cate Blanchett. Gah! Too much pressure!

Best Director:

Not going to go into detail.
Should be and will be Martin Scorsese for “The Departed”.

Best picture:

“Babel”: No. It did not make sense. I get it. We are all interconnected. But you reached too hard and fell off. NONONONONO. I think "Blood Diamond" should be here instead of "Babel".

“The Departed”: Excellent. Violent. Unexpected. Surprisingly good.

“Letters From Iwo Jima”: Did not see it. Did not hear much about it. But who does not love Clint Eastwood? Even with his newly ironed face.

“Little Miss Sunshine”: Cute, smart, interesting. Comedies never win.

“The Queen”: Interesting. Compelling enactment of something we all felt like we were a part of.

Critics Pick: The Departed
Bug’s Pick: Little Miss Sunshine

Vote for Buggie 2010!

As President, there are a few things that I will actively foster during my administration.

I feel that any two consenting adults can marry. Hell, finding someone to love that loves you back is really hard. Why on Earth does anyone want to come between that?

On a related note, I will impose a divorce tax. Sure, anyone can get married, but it is going to cost you a pretty penny to get divorced. I will also enforce a law that does not allow people to be married more than three times because at that point, come on! And perhaps I will start jailing people who cheat on their spouses. After all, on your wedding day, you promised God and the State that you would stay true to that one person. You can’t do that? You should not get married.

I will establish a new campaign system that will not allow for a war chest for candidates. Each aspirant will be given a set amount of money and an allotment of time on a public broadcast channel. No more Kennedys in office just because they have so much money. Let’s allow in people who want to be in office to change the country for the good of the people and not just the good of their own wallets and egos.

Samurai Warrior!

It's been a long time coming, Washington Post. But I did it!

I wonder if God will forgive us for the things we have done to each other

Dear Academy:

Why did you not nominate "Blood Diamond" as a best picture contender? This movie, while extremely violent and painful to watch, was brilliantly executed (pardon my choice of words there); passionately and fantastically acted; and based on a story that absolutely needed to be told. Do you guys honestly think "Babel" is better? I am afraid I will have to disagree. While both films take place in Africa (T.I.A.*), Babel was a bit convoluted for my tastes with so many story lines, some of which really never had a place in the final product. While I did enjoy "Babel", I have to say that all in all the value of "Blood Diamond" far out weighs the heavy handedness of the message displayed in "Babel", which almost seemed to be look how awful Americans are. Yes, I am fully aware that the story was about communication, but Brad Pitt's character forced the world to stop for him and his injured wife, taken nothing but himself and her into regard. Then there is the Border Patrol... In any case, this letter is not about "Babel" which I found to be a fine movie, it is about "Blood Diamond" which I found to be an excellent movie.

How horrific is this life that millions of people live every day? We know about the atrocities that happened in WWII, and most of us acknowledge their horrors. How is it that we can turn a blind eye to this immense violence that is uselessly claiming the lives of entire nations? And for what? So that these rampaging idiots can buy more weapons? On a side note: why is it that the rampaging idiots always seem to be about? Per example: Idi Amin; Stalin; Hitler, to name some obvious few. Why don't we catch on to them before the take over and being to slaughter? (We can do profiling on serial killers and terrorists, but somehow have not quite figured out how to pick up on the not-so-subtle cues of dictators.)

I apologize, dear Academy. As you know, I am an avid fan. I attempt to watch all the movies that you nominate. Thus far I have 18 under my belt. How many have you actually watched?

I commend you for last year. I think choosing "Crash" as best picture clearly defined you as a modern, edgy panel of judges. This year, however, I think you missed the boat. Just barely, but missed it just the same.

"Blood Diamond" was jarring and frightening, overwhelming and funny at times. South Africa, as much of Africa, is simply beautiful.

And on a personal note: I would like to thank Leonardo DiCaprio for his strident measures to have successfully become a tasty piece of eye candy, and to Djimon Hounsou who never stopped being one!

Best Regards,
Bug E. Bugger
Film Aficionado


Related letter:

Dear Grandparents sitting in the row before me:

Why did you bring your 5 year old granddaughter and 10 year old grandson to this film? Why did you watch the entire film with them even though children, their ages, were point blank shooting people in the face? What on Earth would make you think that they should be exposed to such depravity and violence when they should still be believing in Santa and that the world is rosy and great? It's so sad to me. Even if they have already been exposed to violence, why more? Why so young? I could understand maybe a 12 year old seeing it with parents who want them to understand what that strife is like, but 5..? Really? How will you talk to her about it? What will you say that she will understand?
I am very disappointed in you.

Sincerely,
Ms. Bugger


*This is Africa.

I want to be Michael Jordan's mistress.

But unfortunately for me, that position has already been acquired.
I spent the whole morning reading about Lisa Miceli. The luckiest girl in the world! She got to sleep with him while he was married. She even talked about taking his kid to the Bahamas! Lucky!
Hey Lisa, don't let them get you down. You know what really happened. They can't take that away from you. Besides, all this chatter about it is going to make you famous! Then you can pen your book and become rich and hang out with Tara Reid and flash your cooter like all the cool kids are doing.
Sorry that your blog got hijacked. That happened to me once, too. Way to get back on the horse and start a new one.
I was reading some of the clips about you on AOL and on Deadspin. People can always twist your exact words around and misrepresent you with the exact quotes of exactly what you said. I would not worry about that too much. I mean, YOU DATED MICHAEL JORDAN! Awesome. I saw his statue at the United Center in Chicago and thought, how lucky is the woman that gets to be with him!?! (Before getting distracted by the stain on the sidewalk that looks like a gnome, or perhaps Bin Laden... Ask Marci.. She knows.)
Good luck with the book. Maybe one word of advice? Get a spell checker.

More like Screamgirls...

My mom and I saw "Dreamgirls" on Sunday. This was never a movie high on my list, but since it was nominated for so many Academy Awards, I thought I had better see it. The first thing I got out of it was a lot of booby flailing. They all did it, but damn, when Jennifer Hudson set those puppies to moving, best get out of her way. This was not the most attractive dance maneuver I have taken in.

I have to say that I did not like this movie. I thought it was contrived and boring. My mom fell asleep during part of it and I glanced at her with the longing for the sweet release of sleep. (Why I am wide awake for this, when I can't stay awake to save my life in The Last King of Scotland?)

You know how I said that the film xXx was written by 13 year old boys? Well, this film was written by 13 year old girls. It is all boobies and flash and the stage. Suddenly the group becomes hyper famous, one girl gets left out, the others get snarky and she is cast out on her own. That sounds like the stories I wrote when I was a kid.

You want to like Effie, but all I could think was Shut the hell up already! Beyonce's character was boring and never really fleshed out at all. None of the characters were. They all were so one dimensional. I think the only one who actually did something with her role or maybe had a role that allowed her to do something with it was the role was Lorrell (Anika Noni Rose), and even that is a stretch.

The girl who played Michelle (Sharon Leal) is beautiful. And I liked some of the costumes…
But I hated the songs, I hated the fact that I felt like I was being yelled at the whole time. No one had to tell J. Hudson to "Sing out, Louise!" I wish someone had said, make us want more sometimes, Jen! We get it. You've got pipes! OK. But you also have a microphone. I'm just sayin'…

And why did all the men have these pansy voices?
At the end, Effie walks to Curtis and the spotlight hits her and she starts to sing again and I just shrank into my seat with a huge sigh because I didn't want to hear anymore singing.

I can't figure this one out. It's nice to have operettas back, but this one sucked.