Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Friday, April 29, 2005

Five little monkeys jumpin' on the bed

One is leaving, then there were five. (On what else? AmErIcAn IdOl!!! Look how cool that looks. I am so cool. WOOOOOOO!)

Carrie’s hair extensions make her look short and wide. It’s weird. What is it with her and her hair? Yawn… What a boring song.
We learn that Carrie is a momma’s girl. And decide that the neck rocking while she sings must stop.

Paula might have a bird nesting in her hair. I think she may have let Carrie’s stylist do her hair. Yikes.

Clay Aiken! I swear he is really a tall woman with short spiky hair.

Bo’s girlfriend looks just like him. His mom is HOT!! She looks like a prettier and younger Bo Derek.

When he is singing, Bo looks like he is trying to take a bite out of the microphone, or maybe dislodge something from his throat. Whoa- he’s a bit epileptic in his movements. Random.

I wonder who the performers keep pointing at in the audience.

Ryan Seacrest was sitting on some middle aged dad-type’s lap. Um…

If Vonzell loses, will she karate chop everyone? She’s been Kung Fu fighting since she was six. She makes a bold move in singing a Christina Aguilera song. She did not quite hit all of the notes. Dang, that’s a hard song. (Turn To You.) Vonzell is a daddy’s girl. I like her, but she is somehow forgettable. I can’t put my finger on it.

Simon thought she was a bit flat. I have to agree. And she is a tad crazy. She apparently does not speak on Tuesdays. (To save her voice…)

Maybe it’s Anthony’s hair that makes him look that way. NO, I think he has a misshapen head. He is not a “popstar”. I think he’d be great on Broadway. He is so schmaltzy. There is that key around his neck again. He must be terrified of losing it.

Randy is sitting so far back from the judge’s table that he practically sitting in the audience. Perhaps Paula smells funny? Maybe she told him to sit far away from her because his pink striped shirt clashes with her leopard print shirt with turquoise trim. Simon is allowed to stay next to because his blue shirt coordinates with hers.

Wow, Anthony was super stoked to sing Celine Dion…. (Maybe the key is to Seacrest’s heart….)

OOPA! Here comes Constantine. He was apparently named after his mom. You know, he was way better looking before the rock n’ roll got to him.

Problem: His belt makes the focus on him very crotch-centric.

He is screwing up the song and the words. He says “Kayah” instead of “yeah”. No Good. Let’s see what the judges have to say.
Randy: High on performance, low on singing.
Paula: Her teeth are sooooo white. I dunno what she said. I was blinded by her teeth.
Simon: Bad imitation of the original.

Constantine makes Seacrest look like a midget. Constantine should go because he makes the phone gesture and mouths “Call for me” and then indicates the number performer he was. ANNOYING!

What is up with everyone’s overemphasis on vibrato? It’s distracting.

Scott is from Shaker Heights, OH. (Near Cleveland… Sorry, Jen.) He is the heart and soul of America. I really need to move out of the States if that is true. Jeepers. He gesticulates randomly. He sucks. I really just don’t like him. So I’m going to ignore him. His hands look like surgical gloves that were blown up and tied to be a balloon.

Simon seemed to have slept through the performance like me (HA!). He said “I’d pack your suitcase tonight.” Hope he’s right.

From best to worst, based on this and only this performance (in my opinion):
1. Bo
2. Vonzelle
3. Carrie
4. Anthony
5. Scott
6. Constantine

But no one was very good.

WEDS SHOW: (Someone’s gotta go)
I admit that I fast forwarded through most of this show to get to the part where they dump someone.

DAMN! ANOTHER WEEK OF SCOTT!! UGH!!! WHO IS VOTING FOR THIS GUY?

Constantine is going to go back to New York, so perfect his smoldering glance for his future nieces.

Paula looks so concerned. She’s crying. Strangely, for the first time she actually looks kind of pretty.

Scott is standing there laughing. He is such an ass.

Adeeo, Constantine.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

I am 31 and half, OKAY?

I am so sick of people telling me how great it is to look young. Let me tell you something, it's not that great. I have looked young all of my life. When I was little, people used to to tell me how much I would love it when I got older. I thought then that I would not be excited to look young and now I know that I am not excited. When you look young, no one ever takes you seriously. You have to work twice as hard, if not harder to prove that you are capable of accomplishing the same thing that people think a person who looks older is capable of (even if they are chronologically younger, and/or act younger). For me it is so frustrating to constantly have people telling me their "better ways" to do things and how I should be living my life. Everyone acts like I am incapable of managing anything by myself. I get so much advice on my personal life and how it should be progressing, even from perfect strangers. For example, a lady at my church lectured me for hours on how I am wasting my life away. She detailed all the things I needed to do to get by and spared no detail on how I was probably mismanaging everything I came into contact with. Now, this is important, I HAD JUST MET HER!
When I got promoted to my current position, my boss told me that people had warned him against hiring me in that position because I was not "experienced" enough. In the meantime, I have been there for four years, accomplished most of the things we do and proven myself beyond any shadow of a doubt. Yet, because of my youthful face, I am not credible.
Even my boyfriend only looked at me once when he first saw me because he thought I was too young for him. I had to pursue him (with ID in hand).
Listen, I am glad I do not look older than I am. I would like to just look my own age. So quit telling me how great it is to look young unless YOU look young and you have some great experiences to tell me about that back up your claim.

Monday, April 25, 2005

I need a fix

Oh, my friends. Now that Terri Schiavo has died, I am a one trick pony with my incessant coverage of American Idol. And you would be shamed to know that I tend to fast forward through a lot of it. I can't take all the lascivious gazes into the camera by ill-decorated popstar wannabes. Yet, I am addicted. But addicts don't always necessarily love the drug they take, right? I need an intervention.

Kelly Clarkson rocks ! ! !

Get down, get down...

Constantine: You can’t dance. I wish that you would not try. Are you wearing eyeliner? I don’t like your vibrato, or that baby fetus butt of a chin you’ve got. But you have a lot of energy.
I have the feeling Constantine is going to end up being that swarmy uncle at the family reunion in 30 years that makes eyes at all the young girls, even the ones related to him. “Come sit on my knee. Touch my gray chest hairs.” Ew. He moves like he’s a girl who is trying to be hot. The fat girls in the audience dig him. Good lord! Where does that zipper on his pants end? Disturbing.
You know what bugs me the most? It’s that he is one of the people who stands next to Ryan Seacrest holding up the number of fingers to demonstrate what number you should call. I hate that. That’s one of the many reasons I dislike Anthony so much. (Waving 2 fingers, mouthing “Two, pick two! That’s me! WOOOOO” Argh.)
I think he will finish 4th.

Carrie, Carrie, Carrie: I heard someone compare you to a white Kelly Clarkson. Ha. That’s a good one. It’s funny because it’s true. Now, Carrie. Who does that to your hair? It’s like they crimp the root and poodle-ize the rest. When Carrie sings, she throws a come hither look at the camera. It’s a bit off-putting. And she walks funny. It’s a dancey-walk, or are those shoes just really uncomfortable? (Wonder what their wardrobe allowance is?)
Did not really like her choice of song. There are so many better songs, especially by Donna Summer. But, Carrie can sing, and she is sooo cute. (The fat girls love her, too.) Simon says her look is Barbie meets the Stepford Wives. Truly! But Oklahoma is not the Okla-home-a to high fashion. (I am brilliant!) It’s not even a neighbor, I guess.
Carrie will win!

Scott Savol: sings every song exactly the same way. Hey, Scott! Is it illegal to tuck in your shirt? I think he has his pajama’s on. Maybe he is really tired. Rough week, you know? This way he can sing and then go climb into bed. He has Monchichi hair. He is an arrogant &*^*er. I hate how he looks down his ugly nose at everything. Such an ass. G’bye! (Simon’s keepin’ it real. Heh…Scott is very “urban” and Simon is not. That’s why that is funny) The fat girls don’t dig Scott.
I pick him to go next. (Alas, he did not go next. Anwar went next. Who is voting for this guy? He sucks!)

Paula’s hair has wings!!

Anthony Fed: makes me uncomfortable. All the boys, due to the 70’s style of music they are being forced to sing, have their shirts open to their belly buttons to expose their chest hairs (or lack thereof). Maybe Anthony should be wearing makeup. It might make him look more normal. Is his head too big? What is it about him that makes him look so weird? Is that a key around his neck? Key to his locker? Hotel room? Ford Focus? Paula’s heart?
Simon called him insipid and Paula said “Whatever” --- because she does not know what that means. What is wrong with Paula’s hairline? Anthony is a dork. G’bye!
He should finish 6th. (Though with Scott still here, maybe Anthony should be 5th and Scott sixth.) This whole Anwar being sent home thing before I finished writing this commentary, has really screwed me up!

Vonzell: Aw, she sang Chaka Khan. Marci loves Chaka Khan. Hee hee. Vonzell is starting to figure it out. She picks songs that people recognize and get fired up about. Good for you, Von. I’m starting to root for you. She is not the best singer, but you just like her. Paula is now dancing on the table. Has she lost her mind?
She will finish 3rd.

Anwar: He could have come from the 70’s. He looks like it. Another massive misbuttoning of the shirt. Hmm, male cleavage? Anwar has lots of energy, yet these translate into some peculiar Beyonce-like violent shoulder thrusts. (Yikes!) Paula is ripping her clothes off. She’s creepy. Her hairline looks like it’s molding.
I think he will finish 5th. Oops. No he won’t. He is officially out at number 7.

Bo Bice: He has some huge nostrils. Wonder if Prell has approached him to do commercials for them? No chest visibility! Yay! He rocks. I still like him. I want him to grow mutton chops.
He will finish 2nd.

No one sang Jungle Boogie. Ya’ll suck!