Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Simon says...that I could not come up with a better title.

Dilemma. Simon Cowell on Oprah. I hate Oprah. (Ohmygosh! Did I type that out loud? If I suddenly disappear off the face of the Earth, understand that she is extraordinarily powerful and from what I understand, not a fan of those who oppose her.) I find her to have no credibility. She could have a guest on her show whose entire life is crumbling around them and while they are telling their devastating story, she is dispassionately gazing off into the distance, probably calculating how much money she is earning in the time this person is jabbering on. She never seems to react to anything unless the camera is on her. I do have to give her credit for getting rid of those light colored contacts. They made her look psychotic. (hmmm….) So, she’s got Simon Cowell on her show. It’s weird this crush I have on him. I think it is more of an intrigue than a crush. (I am pretty sure it is situational. All the people on American Idol are ugly.)
He winked at Oprah. I like that. It’s charming. He has pretty nice teeth, for a Brit. AND he only cares what puppies think of him. Puppies! Hello! Of course I am crushing on him. (Totally stole that from “Never Been Kissed”. Great movie. I may be the cheesiest person alive.)
He is completely charismatic on Oprah’s show. Is it because the audience is entirely female? (Would any straight guy willfully attend a taping?) But why did the audience cheer and applaud when he said that Paula Abdul called him a bad name? Are they glad he was called a bad name? AND he mentioned his girlfriend. Whaaaat?!? (Stalker alert!) I read somewhere’s that they broke up. (See, this information messes with my ability to use proper grammar…) At least he is not dating Paula Abdul. I can’t quite grasp why she freaks me out. Maybe it is because she reminds me of these crazy llamas I once saw when a group of my friends and I rented a cabin in the mountains a few years ago. They stood there and stared at us. “Quit looking at me, llama!” (And in Germany, a llama spat at me. I ducked. Nasty.) Simon did try to tell Oprah that Paula has the hots for him. She told him to look her in the eye and tell her that. It’s strangely hot to see Simon look deep into Oprah’s eyes and say “She wants me.” (Seriously, what is wrong with me?)
Simon Cowell came onto Oprah’s show to debut his new popera group “Il Divo”. The male divas??? For real. Pop/opera. They sang Toni Braxton’s “Unbreak My Heart” in Spanish, I believe. There is nothing like mass vibrato to knock you from your chair while you watch completely creeped out as these four boys grin slimily at the camera. They miss the whole point of the song. Geez! Must be related to Nadia Turner. (American Idol, baby!)
No, Il Divo, I do not want you to look so lecherous. Gross. I do not want Popera. (And Simon Cowell’s credibility was shot in one fell swoop.)I do want Simon to get a haircut and invest in a mansierre, or perhaps a bro. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, you are hopelessly pop-culture irreverent and should be ashamed of yourself.) And I want to see someone fall off of those insanely high chairs that Oprah has two of in the middle of an empty stage for herself and her guest to sit on. (Maybe it could be Oprah?) (Hey, maybe it was not a popera group, but rather a POprah group. Everybody wants to be Oprah’s friend. Except me.)

Monday, April 18, 2005

Bedtime sucks

I am procrastinating, like I could win a medal, going to bed. The worst part is that I hate getting out of bed as much as I hate going to bed . Does anyone know a cure for this?

I think I need a real vacation. (Because you don't have to go to bed and you don't have to get up. It's all your choice, baby!)

My bedroom is a mess. My bed is not made. I could hang out on the sofa... Maybe I will call in sick tomorrow. Naw, I am gonna save my "not at work" days for something good.

I took my mom to the beach this weekend. She is so awesome. We had a great time. I feel guilty because I did not take her sightseeing, but we did see a couple of lighthouses and a hockey game and a baseball game (thank you!). We meandered on the beach and all the dogs in the world walked up to her. To her. Not me. I understand. She does radiate good. I would run up to her, too. We watched Finding Neverland. (Lovely.) Went out to dinner and breakfast. Yeah, buffet! I ate enought cover the cost, too! I KNOW! That never happens. I learned a ton about my family history on the way home. I love to hear about these people. My mother had an idea to write about her childhood. Now my mission is to bug her until that happens. I can't imagine anything I would love more than to have the stories from my mother to experience any time I wanted. She is really going to think I am weirder than normal when every time she opens her mouth, I jam a tape recorder under it.

Okay, enough procrastination. Off to bed. I am going to try to wedge out the tape that is jammed into my VCR.

(Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my toys to break. So nobody else can have them. Amen!)

Not really about her anatomy.

I am obsessed with TV. Way too much. Thank goodness for my DVR. That way I am not watching TV all the time, but rather in large chunks when I have a bit of time. My favorite new show is "Grey's Anatomy". I don't know how to talk about it, really. Obviously another medical show. I have always liked them. AND I am actually older than a lot of the characters. That's not scary. oh wait, YEAH IT IS! But I love the messages that it brings. It makes me think. It is almost like a weekly sermon. Meredith Grey is the voice of the show. As she struggles through her residency, she also deals with her Alzheimer ridden mother. The girl who plays her has a tendency to lisp and look a bit like Renee Zellweger before all the collagen took over Renee's face. I like Sandra Oh as an overly ambitious resident who is all about procedure, forgetting that the patient is a human. It is such a departure from her roles on Arliss (Ditzy secretary) or Princess Diaries (kind of ditzy principal), but not too far off from her role in Sideways. I have just always liked her. I am glad she is doing well. Katherine Heigl is Izzy, the girl who paid her way through med school with lingerie modeling. Dude, she was a little tiny kid in My Father the Hero. Now she is all voluptuous. I mean Damn! But I have rooted for her for a while, too. And Marci loves Patrick Dempsey, so of course I had to watch to check him out. I learned in the meantime that at 21 he was married to a woman about 30 years his senior. He had a stepson a year older than him. Skeevy. Anywho... I know I did not sell the show very well, but it is well thought out and funny, sweet and smart. If you don't watch it, then you are probably doing something else. But you should watch it because it's really really good.

Punch the clock, AGAIN

I did not feel like being at work today. I wonder about days like these. Obviously we all go through them. I mean, ideally we would all have that dream job where we would be leaping out of bed to get to work. But, I imagine even those jobs have their days of "Oh God, not this again." It's the sameness of it all that gets to me. I get so irritated by the tricks my co-workers/bosses pull, because I have nothing better to do but sit, watching and judging.
I am not above them. I pull my own crap. A lot of it. Like today, I left at 10:45 to get my oil changed and car inspected. I did not return to my desk until 1:30ish. The rest of the day was spent lamenting about how much I did not want to be there. Unlike my bosses who can leave when it gets too much for them, I am shackled to my desk. Oh, so dramatic. I KNOW! Lemme alone. I get to complain. I know that I have a good job and make good money, yadda yadda yadda. I am just afraid sometimes that this is the best it's gonna get. This is the best of me.

I hear you when you say to go find something new, but what if it's in me? What if this is the best I have to offer? I have no idea how to figure out if I've got more. Damn, I must be the biggest chicken in the world.