Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

News Talk Bug style

I listen to the news as I am driving down the street and there are only 3 things on people's minds these days. Casey Anthony; Hurricane(s) Gustav (Hanna, Ike and Josephine); and the 2008 Presidential election. I'm bored with it all. (sort of)

Casey Anthony is obviously guilty of killing her child. However she did it, be it an accident or not, she did it. The issue with her and the public is that she seems to be a sociopath and therefore does not react the way that a normal person would. People reporting on this case seem to be looking for a reaction, but sociopaths don't have the same moral code that regular people do.

The Hurricane is messing with my beach trip and I am bored with the political ramifications the storm and its' affect on New Orleans has. Besides, they never discuss the outlying destruction that Biloxi and Gulfport suffered during Katrina and Baton Rouge through Gustav. But most of all, the HURRICANE IS MESSING WITH MY BEACH TRIP!

This whole brouhaha with the Republican Vice Presidential candidate is dumb and boring. This is why I think that the President and VP should be voted for separately. I think also that it should not matter if the President is a Democrat and the VP a Republican (or whatever). They would keep each other in line. But keeping the two seats on individual tickets would keep us from ever having another VP like the one we have right now. (Cheney, right? Is he even still alive or are they pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" thing on us?*).

* I stole this bit from some comedian I heard on XM

You must have seen her dancing in the sand.

I am a beach bunny.

That is all.

Just kidding. I am at the beach, but I am sitting inside the lobby of my Motel and typing to you guys because I am afeared of the beach. Okay, I have to admit that I have never been one that is super excited about the beach. Too many experiences with feet cut on shells, jellyfish stings, and wicked undertows that challenged my already challenged swimming abilities. This sends me off on a tangent (who me? on a tangent?). I was in the water with my brother and my friend Mark, when I felt something brush past my legs. We were at Nags Head and had seen shark pods earlier that morning. (Probably the eggs of a nurse shark or something). We were floating about on our rafts and I suddenly grabbed my raft and headed rapidly for shore. Once safely on dry land, I hollered to my companions "SHARK". Nice, huh? I am a save my own butt person first. Keep that in mind.

I loved being in the water when I was but a buglet. They used to have to physically remove me from the water when I was little. I had an indicator, much like the poking out device that is found on butterball turkeys - er...though nothing poked out of me. That would just be weird. My lips turned blue when I was in the cold water too long. This sends me off on another tangent about when I was teeny and my belly button turned blue. Seems my mother left me alone for a split second and the next thing she saw was an empty blue marker and a wee li'l girl with a bright blue belly button. Hmm, not much of story here, but when my mother tells it, it is rather hilarious. Unfortunately, she has many such stories about me and I would prefer that you all just stay away from her.

I got to Myrtle Beach yesterday and slathered myself in SPF 1,000,000 and put on my bikini. I had stopped by one of the ubiquitous beach stores to pay $6.99 for an already inflated raft. Yay! I also got some bright blue bahama shorts. I am now wearing them and looking rather fine (in the South Carolina/beach vacation/unwashed kind of way). Which leads me to yet another tangent when Marci , Angel and I went to Rehobeth and Marci and I decided it would be a great weekend to do no grooming at all, while Angel sat and primped for 4 hours straight. Again, guess you had to be there. It struck us (me and Marci) as ridiculously funny, while Angel was highly displeased with her consorts.

I got out the water yesterday and struggled against an extreme undertow. I tried bringing my raft out there, but the waves were breaking so far out that by the time I got the raft into the water after recovering from the previous wave, I would be pulled under and get tangled up in the raft's cords. Bah. So I deposited it on the beach and just attempted to hop the waves. That was fun.

Today, I got up and reslathered. I contemplated my bikinis because honestly, the ocean is a friend to the Girl's Gone Wild guy and keeps trying to tear my top off! Ocean Gone Wild! I hit the water newly ambitious, raft dragging behind me. Smack! Bikini up... raft gone... me on my bottom fumbling for everything at once. Oh, who am I kidding? When I noticed the assault, I righted my clothing and slapped the water for being fresh. Then as I attempted to regain my footing the ocean came right back at me, tugged me down, and slapped me in the face. EXCUSE ME! So I got out. I grabbed the raft and sat on the sand for a bit. After a few minutes, I gathered my resolve (once again) and entered the ocean alone (without the raft). The sand is gone! Gone! Replaced with rough pieces of broken shell. What the..? It seems that the hurricane is not only making the waves choppier and the ocean sassier, but all the shells of the entire ocean have been placed at my feet. Is it a gift? Is it a punishment? Is the ocean telling me to be nice or it will cut me? (I'll cut you!) I dunno, but I gave up. That's why I am sitting here talking to you.

Sunday, August 31, 2008


Last night I had a really difficult time finding my fancy hotel. I should have considered that an omen. I got into my room and it had that funny aura of not being completely clean, but I had already brought all my crap into the room which meant that I had no real interest in repacking and complaining and having to move. Perhaps if I had a crew, or the hotel did in case of such emergencies... Not even when I noticed something floating around in the toilet did I pack up and leave. (I have lost my shimmer). I spent some time pondering the floater. It looked like a cigarette but without a filter. It was so curious. Only about 1/2 an inch long, it was burnt at one end and looking like a new cigarette tip on the other. Weed? Were people smoking weed in my non smoking room, while they were cleaning it for my messing up pleasure? Then I got to thinking that smoking weed while cleaning would probably be more fun than not smoking weed while cleaning which then made me come to the realization that the reason I don't clean is because I don't smoke weed.
I looked closer, and it did not make sense that the burnt end was twisted. What the heck was that thing? I flushed him to hell and HE STAYED IN THE BOWL! Get away from me, I screamed. Then I took all the towels (were they clean!?!??!!?) and placed them all over the floor in my walking path. I took saniwipes and rubbed down the remote control. They came away cruddy. (I was going to say smeary, but that was too gross even for me!). But I needed to watch TV so I went and washed my hands (again!) and wrapped the remote in a saniwipe.
I watched TV and found I could not sleep in my (is it clean!?!?!??!?) bed. Besides, there were constantly shadows outside my door and it scared me.
This morning I awoke to find that I could not take a shower. The water would turn on, but that's it. No temperature manipulation there. Grr. By this point every towel has been used to keep from touching any surface. I went to get my free breakfast and I missed it. So I sat in my room and ate food from my cooler.

Tonight is no better. I feel dirty just sitting in this room. (And not dirrty either). I am finding wee little dead bugs everywhere. But I am again too lazy to deal with it which means another room with towels covering everything and my inability to sleep because I am afraid the living bugs will come and exact revenge on my for what my cat does to their friends. But I am BUG! I am your leader.