Proof

I guess it's true. Here is proof that for every gorgeous person out there, there is someone who is tired of being with them...

They do say that Jesus was born in April or May or something like that....

I was driving home from work yesterday and flipping through the radio stations as I am apt to do when I noticed that the song I mysteriously stopped upon was none other than "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". He is? Now? Does he realize it is July? Yeah, the weather has been a bit wonky and maybe it is a little cooler than usual, but I can't imagine the little elves having been able to crank out all the Apple i-phones that everyone will be having on their wish-lists this year.

I kept listening, and Bruce Springsteen said "Santa Claus is hahahah". That part of the song has always creeped me out a bit. Why is he laughing? What is so very funny that makes him break from the lyrics in order to laugh? It's like he knows something. And if Santa is coming to town in July, I feel like me and Mr. Springsteen should discuss our options.

I got to my home and did what I always do: make nachos and grab the television remote. I was flipping channels to see which re-run I should watch (because it is SUMMER) when I noticed that the Home Shopping Network (Or the other network which is exactly like the Home Shopping Network) was having Christmas in July. Whatthehell?

I always have thought it is bad enough when I have not yet even tasted turkey and Silver Bells are tinkling (tingling?) (Twinkling?) (What is it that bells do exactly? In Germany, they go Klingelingeling.) at me. The last few years have been demonstrating the need to sell Christmas wares in stores prior to the release of the latest Halloween masks.

 

This is out of control!

War. Ugh! What is it good for?

In the last six years, while the American and various foreign militaries waged war on the Middle East, specifically Al-Qaeda, we have gotten progressively worse, and they have gotten progressively stronger? Wow, good battle plan. Now, not only are they in as good of shape as ever, but we are a shadow of our former selves; beaten down and weary, and how do we plan to defend ourselves now?

 

It is one thing to fight a battle, even one that we might not win, for honor and freedom and the safety of our people. This war seems to have made a mockery of all of those respectable things one sacrifices and fights for.

 

Who are we fighting anyway? If Al-Qaeda is getting stronger, it is obviously not them. Maybe this war is against the angry, lonely young men who in their society have no chance at happiness and choose instead to receive their gift of lots of lovely virgins at the price of the lives of some people who get in the way.

 

Whatever the case, we are doing something wrong. No matter what anyone says, we are never in too deep to be able to turn around and do the right thing.

D'Oh

I grew up in Springfield, Virginia and am a wee bit disappointed at our lack of inclusion in The Simpson's Movie Challenge. A little bit of research shows that Matt Groening (creator) was born in Springfield, Oregon. BUT isn't the plant Homer works in based on the Pentagon which is in Arlington near Springfield, VA? HMM?

We could have had the film premiere at Springfield Mall! Reception at Bennigans! Appetizers at Ruby Tuesdays! Made the food court over with a Simpsons theme! We were not even considered! Are our dollar stores not up to par with the ones in Springfield, Missouri? Don't we have more shoe stores than Springfield, KY? What about our local gangs? They are exceptionally rampant in that mall. It all adds flavor to the premiere, Hollywood!

Not to be overlooked, Springfield Mall has hosted a movie premiere before. It was for me and my friend Tony in our feature film "Deep Impact". Yes, major stars in your backyard, Northern Virginians! Major stars...

I am hurt and disappointed that our little town of Springfield, was not cool enough for you, Homer.

Enjoy your win, Springfield, Vermont. Hmph.

There's a Bug in Right Field

I played my first softball game, as an adult, yesterday. I had to drive my little car into the middle of nowhere while fearing that my co-workers were not going to play ball with me. Their goal was far more nefarious. But the trees broke and lo, a recreation park complete with ball field. I was given my team shirt which I wore with pride and sent out into the depths of right field where I crouched menacingly. (I see them do it in the big leagues.) I frightened the other team with my glare so much that they only sent one ball in my direction which I promptly ran after, skidded after, pounced on and then threw in the style of wimpy towards second. BUT I GOT IT. My at bats were quite thrilling, if I say so myself. My first at bat produced a pop fly to the pitcher. My second was a single RBI. (Yeah!) Third at bat I looked like Bugs Bunny when he was chopping up the air on Loony Toons.

Our team left dirty, smelly and broken. We are old and fragile. There were several shinjuries. (haha).

We played a double header. The final scores were impressive!

22-4

18-2

 

We lost both

George Washington remains a stranger to me.

Dear Washington Nationals,
My friends and I were super excited to get tickets for the July Fourth game. As it was an early game (12:05pm), we decided that a breakfast tailgate was in order. Delicious treats were prepared and mimosa's were enjoyed while some of us pretended to study for the bar. (Ok, one of us. But we were so excited to get her out that we indulged the occasional comment on an amendment.)
We picked up our tickets at will call after standing in an incredibly long but very fast moving line. (Where was my birthday present, ticket seller Jesse?)
Fired up about our America's Birthday gift from the Nationals, we ran inside only to find that no bobbleheads were being given out. We went and stood in the bobblehead line to be told that without a voucher, we would get nothing. No bobblehead for you! (By the way, what is up with the Teddy Roosevelt bobblehead? That is what nightmares are made of!)
Meanwhile, people are walking by with four or five boxes. No wonder there were none left for us. We also found out that they only had 20,000 of them. Why so few? Is this a Capitals playoff game? Prepare for the crowds, Nationals! Prepare for the crowds. You let me down. I am extremely bitter. I wanted my little founding father to sit on my desk and nod at me when I get frustrated at work and need some encouragement. You prevent this, Nationals. If I have a bad day, I will blame it on you. So easily you could have given me a little shot of enthusiasm. Instead you led me on and let me down.
Disappointed, we went (empty handed) to our seats. Needing to drown our sorrows, we went outside our section where the beer seller was a total tool. So I kicked him. (In my imagination). I think that you fired him, though, because he was no where to be found after our first beer. Good move.
Oh, and where the hell is Ryan Church? Huh? Where?
The team (even though they were missing Ryan Church) sensed our anger and kicked ass on the field. Great game, you guys!

I want my bobblehead.

Evan Almighty (sucky)

I watched Evan Almighty. Wow, what a cinematic gem this was. It was hard to stomach the premise from the start because God made a covenant with Noah after the original floods subsided, saying that he would never flood the Earth again. Hence, the rainbow. ("I establish my covenant with you, that never again shall all flesh be cut off by the waters of a flood, and never again shall there be a flood to destroy the earth." Gen. 9:8)
We do find that God did not truly break his covenant. Instead, a lot of time was wasted, and probably some lives were lost, in order to make a point about corrupt politicians.
Why bring in two of each animal? Is the wildlife population in Northern Virginia more diverse than I had ever realized? Was it necessary to gather them all up in case the minute flood got out of hand? Perhaps the bear and coyote issues that we have been seeing in the news of late came to an end thanks to Evan's ark. OR maybe this was also a commentary on the National Zoo, who was having an exceedingly difficult time keeping animals alive, you know due to putting rat poison out and just having a generally murder-y time. (They seem to be better now...)
Why did he have to look like Noah? Was it to humiliate Evan? I mean, I think I got it. I think the movie was trying to say that politicians are jerks who ruin the environment. (See Evan's Hummer, Home, Etc..)
Watch out, Capitol Hill. Your corruption will be repaid by an alpaca spitting gunk in your face.

Delicious Chili Cheese corn chips by Frito.

In Colorado, they are on the shelf to buy any time. Here, they are "Limited Anniversary Edition". Hmph. Everything I like goes away.

• Tootsie Pop Popsicles
• Snackwell's Cracked Pepper crackers
• OJ's cereal. (But it was orange Juice, not the wife/ waiter killer)
• Swanson weenie and beans TV dinner. It was good, with Chocolate pudding AND apple slices.
• Cap'n Cruch Oops All Berries
• The little bag that had just the insides of Zots candy. YUM.

I am sure there is a ton of other stuff, but I am still at work and I have a mazillion things to do.

Bring back the stuff I like. I feel like I buy the hell out of it and still you respect me not.