Now touch me, baby. Can't you see that I am not afraid?*

I walked into an office today contemplating how the wicked shards that my nails have become might shred the handshakee's fingers. I actually worried about this and how I may look to them with my utterly unkempt nails. Fidgeting around, I noticed a sign on the desk that read “Due to the cold and flu season, please do not be offended that we do not shake your hand”.

First thought: Okay, good. No one needs to see my straggly manicure. And I don’t have to survive one of those limp fish hand shakes that apparently Native Americans like to give (according to Sherman Alexie). “…She shook my hand loosely, using only her fingers. Not like those tight grips that white people use to prove something. She touched my hand like she was glad to see me, not like she wanted to break bones.” (Alexie 200). I personally would rather you attempt to break my bones. But then I have a lot to prove…

Second thought: What the...? Are we going to become a world like in the movie “Demolition Man” where no one can touch anyone else? Ok, maybe that is not the best example, but seriously, never exposing ourselves to germs will create the super-germ, right? Or, so the NCBI says. It just seems like everything is getting a little out of control. Maybe I don’t need you coughing on me, but I’d like to think I’ll withstand most of the germs. My kids, should I ever have them, will be allowed to eat dirt, stick frogs in their mouths and not bathe all week. I will create the super race and I don’t mean Hitler-style.

Alexie, Sherman. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. New York: Grove Press, 1993.

*Song by The Doors

Yay!

Snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!nowork!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!stayhome!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!makesnowman!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!watchmovies!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!snow!drinkcocoa!snow!snow!snow!snow!nowork!snow!snow!snow!snow!

Cross my fingers

Oh Goodness! I hope my horoscope is accurate today!

Cancer For Friday, January 12 - If you've reached your boiling point with a particularly annoying person, something will happen today to turn down the heat. This boor isn't going anywhere anytime soon, but things will be changing just enough to make him or her bearable. Maybe you'll learn certain facts that cast this person's behavior in a more bearable -- even an amusing -- light. Maybe you'll learn that this person will soon be playing a less prominent role in your life. Whatever it is, you can look to less annoyance in your near future.

It's listed under fiction. Geez.

I read the Da Vinci code. I was as smitten as everyone else was (save for the jaded Barnes and Noble employees who scoffed at the lemmings racing to purchase Dan Brown’s book). I though the book was clever and it made me really analyze da Vinci’s works. It educated me on some aspects of history I was not very erudite about, like the issues da Vinci had with the papacy and the Knights Templar.

I did not, however, decide that this book was a work of non-fiction. The folks who fell hook, line and sinker for it, remind me of the people who decided that L. Ron Hubbard’s science fiction novel was fact and helped him make a religion out of it.

My issues with the reactions to the story are as follows:

Just because da Vinci believed that Mary and Jesus were together does not mean they were. After all, he was born 1400 years after Jesus died. Maybe his works were created to snub the Catholic Church and had no basis in reality.

Even if Sophie Neveu was the descendant of Mary Magdalene, it does not mean she is the progeny of Christ.

If they did find the body of Mary Magdalene, why didn’t they test the DNA?

It’s just a book, a story spun from the creative expanses of one man’s head.

Baby go hide

There they are again; Brad, Angelina, Maddox, Zahara and ... wait.. Where is Shiloh? How come we never see Shiloh? Why do Brang always show off the stolen ones, but not the flesh and blood? Is she too good to be seen by mere mortals? Is she too hideous? I don't get why Madzah get to prance all over town whilst Shiloh is home being raised by the nanny, or maybe the dog? (Or maybe the dog "Nanny" like in Peter Pan?)

Why does this bother me? Does it affect me in any way whatsoever? At least they did not start taking only their crotch fruit out once she was born and leave the other two at home because suddenly they were not as cute anymore. (You know, kind of like when I first bought a Kate Spade bag and thought it was the greatest thing ever. I was spotted all over town with that bright red box, making sure everyone saw the wee black label. Then I got a Prada and the Kate Spade was not good enough for me anymore. Though Ms. Spade, if you want to try to win back my affections, I am open to that.)

Beta sucks

Just sayin'

Tobler Vs. relboT

Colorado Eagles (CHL) player Ryan Tobler (17) takes on a foe. (Bobbleheads are fun)

Talking Cats

Cats that can talk are amazing. Especially the last one.

RIP Darrent Williams

What the hell is wrong with people that they would start the new year off by spraying a limo with bullets, killing the guy inside?
Darrent Williams, CB for the Denver Broncos, was killed leaving a New Year's party. There was apparently a brawl at the bar. Was he involved in that? Does it matter?
Did the shooters have him in their sights because the Broncos lost? That seems absolutely idiotic, but no more so, I guess, than shooting at a frickin' car.