Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Now touch me, baby. Can't you see that I am not afraid?*

I walked into an office today contemplating how the wicked shards that my nails have become might shred the handshakee's fingers. I actually worried about this and how I may look to them with my utterly unkempt nails. Fidgeting around, I noticed a sign on the desk that read “Due to the cold and flu season, please do not be offended that we do not shake your hand”.

First thought: Okay, good. No one needs to see my straggly manicure. And I don’t have to survive one of those limp fish hand shakes that apparently Native Americans like to give (according to Sherman Alexie). “…She shook my hand loosely, using only her fingers. Not like those tight grips that white people use to prove something. She touched my hand like she was glad to see me, not like she wanted to break bones.” (Alexie 200). I personally would rather you attempt to break my bones. But then I have a lot to prove…

Second thought: What the...? Are we going to become a world like in the movie “Demolition Man” where no one can touch anyone else? Ok, maybe that is not the best example, but seriously, never exposing ourselves to germs will create the super-germ, right? Or, so the NCBI says. It just seems like everything is getting a little out of control. Maybe I don’t need you coughing on me, but I’d like to think I’ll withstand most of the germs. My kids, should I ever have them, will be allowed to eat dirt, stick frogs in their mouths and not bathe all week. I will create the super race and I don’t mean Hitler-style.

Alexie, Sherman. The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven. New York: Grove Press, 1993.

*Song by The Doors

3 Comments:

Blogger chanuck said...

DON'T TOUCH ME!


Oh wait YOU can touch me. But no weak handshakes are allowed.

1/25/2007 03:02:00 PM  
Blogger Claudette said...

"I personally would rather you attempt to break my bones. " Yes and yes. I like squeezing hard till I scrunch my face up from the strength I'm exerting taxes every part of me (ok, that was a harmonism) and feel like the hand shake means something or will leave an impression of some sort.

No bathing for a week? Say it isn't so.

1/25/2007 03:16:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Smooth said...

Chanuck beat me to the punch...

Buggie,I was going to say,"You can touch me, just not with your hands" or some pithy comment like that. Instead I'm forced to inquire about your super race. Will they all look like you? Will they be a true "super" race with special powers? Will you ever get a manicure? I'm just sayin'!

1/26/2007 11:49:00 PM  

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