Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

L. Ron Hubbard strikes from the grave

I cannot believe that Tom Cruise Mapother IV managed to impregnate Katie Holmes. The German tabloids have labeled him non-heterosexual for years. He even sued them for it. But yet, I question...
You see Mr. Mapother has been married before. Two times.
  1. Mimi Rogers. They were married for close to three years, yet never had any children. She, however, remarried and began having children at the ripe age of 45. She has two kids.
  2. Nicole Kidman. They were married for close to ten years. They adopted two. I am going to guess here, but I'll bet Nicole wanted children and because she was his beard, she had to get them elsewhere.

And that is not all. He was a Franciscan seminary student at the ripe age of fourteen. Which kid, with hormones a-flailing, wants to become a priest or a monk?

So now he is with the young Katie Holmes. There is something suspicious about the way he moves through his relationships. Mimi Rogers was at the beginning of his career, you know when he needed an older lady to bring his boyishness to some sort of level... Nicole was strung along, perhaps to make her career better? I dunno. But Katie? The rumor is that he "auditioned" a bunch of girls to be his next amour. She won (or lost, in my opinion).

But let us get back to her whole pregnancy. That was done quickly, no? I mean, she auditions, they date, engagement, BAM! Pregnant. I think that Tom was looking for a ripe specimen in which to insert the long forgotten seed of the dead leader of the Scientology clan, L. Ron Hubbard. Mr. Hubbard was a crazy man. I could totally see him storing his sperm so that he may populate the Earth, long after he is gone. BUT the caveat is that it has to be in the right woman. (An easily manipulated woman.) I think that Tom Cruise and the Scientologists, who think that they come from another planet and that someday the big spaceship will return to come and take them home, have decided it is time for a new leader. Maybe Tom Cruise was jumping up and down on Oprah's couch because he knew that soon he'd have a leader again.

Does this mean that the spaceship is coming for them in the next 30 years or so?

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

I want.

I want these boots and I need everyone to keep their eyes open and find them and then tell me where you found them so I can buy them.

Yes, I am freak about boots, and I never did get those cowboys boots I asked for for my birthday. Not that I am keeping track or anything...

Misunderstood songs

I like Alanis Morissette's version of Seal's song "Crazy". But, I heard the lyrics slightly differently and interpreted the meaning, too.

My version:
In a sky full of people, there's always someone to fight, Isn't that crazy? In a world full of people, there's always someone to fight, Is that not crazy?
My interpretation:
No matter where you go in life, there is always someone who is willing to fight you or for you to fight with. It sucks. What a crazy world. That's why you have to get a little crazy to survive.

Real version:
In a sky full of people, only some want to fly, Isn't that crazy? In a world full of people, only some want to fly, Isn't that crazy?

Huh. Well I guess that meaning is kind of sad. Doesn't everyone want to fly? Seal and Alanis don't think so. But R. Kelly believes HE can fly. (That man is an entry for someone else to tackle...Too obvious, not really, for me.) And Irene Cara said she would live forever, she's gonna learn how to fly. Frank Sinatra wanted someone to fly him to the moon; Kelly Clarkson is going to spread her wings and learn how to fly; Foo Fighters will be making their way home once they learn to fly. Hmm, they are actually all just planning on learning how to fly. Wonder if there is a psuedocelebrity flight school. (Pseudo because thems not real celebrities and Frank Sinatra is dead.) I think that I could make a mazillion dollars with that idea.

Come to Buggie's Flight School.
Learn to fly!
I need to work on my catch phrase.

Other song that makes things in my head go awry...
"My Lumps" by Black Eyed Peas.
For one thing... My lovely lady lumps? I worry about getting lumps in my lovely lady bumps. I mean, I would be worried were I to have lumps in them. So, is this a song about checking yourself out for breast cancer?

Go on Black Eyed Peas. Represent Breast Cancer awareness!