Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Milk

Oh, the seventies. What a crazy time: love-ins, protests against war, long hair, hippies, free love. Crazy time. We were just decrying the free love aspect of the era because a friend of mine, who would like to know who her dad is, is having a hard time finding him because, well, who was not loving whom at the time? Besides, it was free love. Therefore, last names not needed, right? It was a time for loving. I was born in the seventies. Though while my mom did want to see “Hair”, my dad was not thrilled about his wife seeing a bunch of youngsters with long hair and no clothes on. (He had short hair and generally donned clothing). So, needless to say, I was not the result of “free love”. I did try to convince my parents I was adopted (for sake of drama which I felt was severely lacking in my young life), but that is a story for another time. Besides, they kept telling me that I was the result of them wanting me, which is ridiculously boring. I was certain that I came from Gypsies (as is obvious from my fair skin).

This is a long and wildly spiraling intro to the fact that I saw the movie “Milk”. This is a fantastic film. I have been feeling wildly adrift for a while, with nothing to focus my attentions on. I have always wondered if I would be a better, more interesting person if I had had some serious issues to deal with growing up. My mother had to grow up having nothing in Germany in WWII. She is by far the deepest, most interesting person I have ever met. Me? I throw bread away when it has past its expiry date. Yup. Don’t tell my mother. I believe she might disown me for that.

Harvey Milk actively engages the residents of his little corner of San Francisco to act in creating awareness/rights for gay citizens. He makes it his life to establish equality for gays, not only in SF, but all over the US. On his fortieth birthday, he complains to his lover that he has lived all these years without having done anything. Then he spends the next eight promoting the greatest gay rights movement. It is almost unfathomable to learn that people were being arrested for being a “homosexual in a bar”. One Senator states that gays will be found and arrested. This brought to mind images of nose measuring Nazi’s. The size of your nose does not make you Jewish. How on Earth were they going to measure gayness?

I also really liked James Franco in his role as Scott. While not a huge role, he truly gave the character a lot of depth and warmth. I feel like it’s his first real “grown up” role, which is probably not true, but I feel like I only ever see him playing a silly stoner. (No need to tell me which roles he did not play a stoner in. I am merely too lazy to IMDB him right now).

I wish I could find the something to have such passion about. Imagine the changes that have occurred in this world because Harvey Milk was not afraid to stand up and fight for what he believed in. I have a very big place in my heart for people like him. It warms my spirit to know that such people exist and not only exist but are truly loved for what they do. Every now and then I get overwhelmed by the people who live to destroy. It crushes some very vital part of me when I hear about a zealot whose own fears cause him/her to violently lash out. The levels of violence some people go to terrifies me, so when I see someone like Milk who didn't allow fear to prevent him from moving forward with his cause, I become revitalized.

I hope I learned something.

American Idol is back

And I am writing about it where a write up belongs. Go to my other blog to read my cheeky review.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Bah. b Ha BAH...

One thing that makes me grit my teeth in frustration is bloggers who don't update their dang blog (see JT). No, see ME! It's awful. I just don't write when I don't feel like I have something that interests me to write about. But as Harmony says, free thought writing can turn into interesting reading. I like that girl, so I am opting to take her comments to heart.

Truth is that I am floundering a bit. I don't know which direction to head. I haven't gone searching for a job because I left my last job due to absolute boredom. I don't want to take on another position in which 90% of my time is spent trying to look like I have something to do. I am a "wear my emotions on my sleeve" kind of person and faking looking busy is not on my resume. I also don't want to work in a place where upward mobility is severely limited. C'mon! Give me a chance to work my way up!

People are constantly asking me what I want to do. Which is nice, because they honestly care, but the fact is that I just don't know. I can tell you what I don't want, but I have no idea what I do want. The last 8 or so years have merely fed into my negativity towards employment versus inspiring my drive to be an exemplary employee.

So I have thought harder. I want to be fired up! I want to have ideas. I want to be inspired. However, in the past few years, any of this kind of thinking on my part has been shot down. Unless of course it was an inspired idea of how to get my boss to be able to fly first class versus business for no additional cost.

Ack. I am whining. Now you understand why I am not writing more often?