Dear Slurpy.

Hey, Slurpy McDrinkerson. You disgust me. I hate how you suck up your beverage, making as much noise as possible. You are an adult. Why does it seem like you are making reverse bubbles into your drink while you are sipping? If it is too hot, let it cool down. Get an ice cube. Cripes, drink something cold. But that won't stop you, will it, Slurpy? You'll slurp down milk, too.

Why does so much noise need to be made while eating? I don't want to hear you enjoying it. I can see you. Hush now.

Love,
Bug

P.S. My boss is a Slurpy McDrinkerson and so are people in the movies. This trend ends tonight.