Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Bring on the chicken soup! (Groucho Marx will do.)

I have a cold. A sore throat, runny nose, sneezing all the time kind of cold. My nose is chapped from the incessant Kleenex violations and is thus a vibrant red. When the violators are not violating, I make sniffy sounds followed up by a sad sigh. My sneezes stem from a place deep inside of me, ripping forth with such volatility that my throat explodes and sometimes I fall down.
At night, while trying to sleep, my nose emits a high pitched whistle that wakes me up in a terror about who is standing over my bed wielding the baseball bat I keep next to my nightstand for such cases where I might need to defend myself from the bandits as the one perceived to be standing over my bed, whistling a high pitched whistley death call, and wielding my very own weapon. It turns out to be Century Bob, and he does not even have arms, so he ain’t wielding nothing. The whistle is being produced by me. Having a cold forces on me some really bizarre dreams, and I wake up in a panic at 2:13 am every night.
I can’t breathe very well, and despite the constant flow of snot, my nasal passages are excruciatingly dry. (Sniff). I say a lot of things to myself while laden with a cold like, “sigh”, and “Poor me”, and “I am soooo sick!”.
My chest is on fire. I try to douse the flames by drinking a lot of water, but they are reignited by the vicious and violent sneezes that contort me into shapes Cirque du Soleil would be impressed by.
I have a cold. I think I may be dying. I am sicker than anyone else in the whole world has ever been. And I am not just saying that because I am feeling so sorry for myself. (Sniff).

5 Comments:

Anonymous haveyouseenlucky said...

You need nyquil and a humidifier, that's all. I hope you feel more betterer.

11/09/2006 10:16:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awww, poor baby! Chicken noodle soup and curled up in bed watching The Price Is Right will cure you! I hope you feel better.

11/09/2006 11:15:00 AM  
Blogger Buggie said...

Thanks you guys!!! Woe is meeee. (Sniff)

11/09/2006 03:14:00 PM  
Blogger Buggie said...

Claudette had said at 11:39 am on Thursday:

Being sick is not funny...

But holy geeze, this has been the funniest post in the history of Ah Bugger. "ripping forth with such volatility that my throat explodes and sometimes I fall down." was the first one that got me.

Again, your being sick = not funny. But that description... I felt your pain and laughed. I lauhed, I cried, I wiped my nose and I was thinking of how much cold medicine inspires me too.

Get well soon?


Bug says: I am apparently not of sound mind to handle moderating my comments as I deleted her lovely comment, not once but twice. So I took the moderating device off. But if you feel a desire to write that you'd like to slip me something? Realize that gives me the desire to cut it off. Rethink your actions. Thank you.

This message was approved by Bug Ah Bugger.

11/09/2006 08:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ah Bugger? Ah choo! Poor girl! I'll send over the stupid baby to cuddle with you. J

11/09/2006 09:45:00 PM  

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