Hit me baby one more time

I watched Britney on Dateline with Matt Lauer who is starting to look a bit like a concentration camp survivor. (That reflection has nothing to do with my current class on the Holocaust...) His hair is so thin and his face gaunt. He was sporting loafers and no socks. Bleh.
Britney.. Oh where to start. Used to be so hot for her in a envious sort of way. Now? Does she own a hair brush? Her makeup was hideous. The blush looked like the Covergirl cheekers that we all wore at age 13. She had some freaky eyelash clumping going on with her right eye and all I could do was focus on that and wonder where the hell her stylist was, or maybe the stylist was all "You're country!" And laughing.
Look, I don't care about the whole KFed thing. But if you request an interview. Dress for it. She is something like 6 months pregnant. She wore a short skirt, a sheer shirt with decolletage that you could put a six-pack of longneck Bud bottles into. On that note, her boobers are HUGE! Maybe she desired to show them?!? But her bellybutton was peering out through the shirt and when she shifted her legs, the shortness of her skirt offered to those who wanted to see, a view of what my co-worker refers to as the promised land.
Matt Lauer asked her how far along she was and she said "I don't know". Er? How do you not know?
I love gum more than anything. Especially sugar-free bubblegum. But I would not be smackin' it during an interview. She seemed pretty bright at times, and other time dim as the lightbulb that burned out in my hallway. Bizarre.

Things I learned from Britney's Dateline interview.

• Chewing gum really does look gross. I should stop chewing it at work.
• If you wear a short skirt, aim the crotch away from the camera.
• I really should take the extra minute to brush my hair.
• Tabloids are stupid. Can't we go back to when the studios owned the stars and they were bitter because they could not live their own lives and thus became psychotic like Ava Gardner and Howard Hughes.
• Damn, my hotness might be fleeting like Britney's!

I still sing along with all of Britney's first two cd's. I still think she was HOT. I think her new persona is a bloody shame.