Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Hello, my name is...

In a huge crowd is where I am sometimes the loneliest. All those faces that I don't know have lives, stories, histories that I have no concept of. They are just faces that I don't know. I feel like a voyeur watching their interactions. I see a mother hold her child, a couple touch, friends laugh. I watch. I may never see them again, but for a fleeting moment, they were in my life. I like to be invisible, sometimes. I like to look into strangers' lives and see what others have and do and feel. It's such a simplicity, the way people interact with one another. It is a strange feeling to be in the middle of it all and not be involved in any way. But in the same vein, it makes me melancholy. It's lonely being a watcher.

I have also been the watched. It's a completely different experience. It's all encompassing to be actively involved in a moment, in a situation. You don't have time to witness things because you are too busy experiencing them.

I think I appreciate the moments in which I am involved because I have appreciated the things I am not involved in.

(But I have got a long way to go, because I still get lonely in a crowd.)

1 Comments:

Blogger Claudia said...

::nodding vigorously:: Uh huh, I'm HUGE on people watching w/out being noticed. It's kinda embarrassing when I realize that I'm NOT actually behind a two-way mirror and these people I'm consumed by suddenly become very aware of my giggling with them and watching them like they are my new reality show. NY is the best for this stuff, though our area also does the trick. :-) Can you imagine what's going on in people's minds when they watch you and try to imagine more about your life? It's wild to think about.

5/03/2005 10:42:00 AM  

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