Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

My Photo
Name:
Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

Tales from the 'vator

This morning I did what I do every morning, climbed into the elevator. Alone inside, the doors slammed shut. There I was. Trapped. Alone. I pressed my floor and Otis began to ascend. But I got to thinking. Why do we allow ourselves to be caught in these little boxes? I tried to pry the doors open mid-ride and they would not budge. So I looked around and pondered how I would escape, should we suddenly stop moving. The walls are smooth and there are no escape exits. When we first moved to this building, I was in the elevator and it made crunchy sounds between several of the floors. Then my co-worker was in it and it suddenly dropped two floors. One guy was trapped for 5 hours. They gave him a gift certificate to a restaurant for his trouble. Um, that happens to me, and I'll want a new car.
I have never liked elevators. Creepy boxes that everyone stands facing forward without conversation or eye contact. It's weird. The elevator at the Holocaust Museum is exceptionally creepy. It slams shut with authority and once inside, you are in a dark metal box with rivets. Terrifying.
My boss and I were in a packed elevator one time and someone farted. Loud and squeaky. We busted out laughing. We were the only ones who did. We had tears streaming down our faces by the time the elevator door open and we could pile out.
Once I was leaving the building and got into the elevator alone. I decided that it was a good place to let out a little tension, otherwise known as gas.. GOOD LORD! It stank so bad. That may have been the longest elevator ride of my life. I was slowly losing oxygen. I was terrified that someone would get onto the elevator and know. But luckily, I made to the lobby without further incident. As the doors prepared to open, I braced myself for the inevitable entrance of someone going up. I thought I might say, P.U. I think there is something wrong with this elevators digestive tract. But luck was with me and no one was there to witness what I could do.

I don't understand why people get into the elevator and then turn to face the door. I tried getting in and just stay facing the back, but people thought that was very strange and they were uncomfortable.
You know what I really hate? Is when people jump in the elevator. Stop it! we are going to go plummeting to our deaths!
Some bits of advice. If the elevator does drop, don't jump. It won't save your life. You should lie down in the center of the floor, flatten your body (though the debris may do this for you) and cover your head.

Here are some fun things to do in an elevator.

8 Comments:

Blogger I-66 said...

No!

Shattering the myth that women don't actually fart...

7/13/2006 09:54:00 AM  
Blogger Buggie said...

I am on a mission to shatter all myths!!
What other things do you believe in?

7/13/2006 09:58:00 AM  
Blogger I-66 said...

I used to also believe that girls didn't um... poo... until our friend's [now ex]girlfriend came over and clogged our toilet.

Talk about a rude wakeup call.

7/13/2006 10:49:00 AM  
Blogger Marci (aka Baby Banana) said...

pooooooop

7/13/2006 12:12:00 PM  
Blogger I-66 said...

Marci... in the event that you ever make your way to the "far" lands of my dwelling, can I forbid you from executing that action whilst in my abode?

7/13/2006 12:51:00 PM  
Blogger Harmony said...

Poooooooooooooooop!!!!!!!

Bug, you come up with some funny things my dear. I talk to people as they get on the elevator and when they are exiting, I think I need to learn to shut up between yours and Mish's entries today.

Now I must take the stairs down today!!!!

7/13/2006 01:57:00 PM  
Blogger Buggie said...

It is interesting how my post pretended to be about elevators, but was really about farting. But I couldn't pull it past you.

7/13/2006 09:09:00 PM  
Blogger Buggie said...

I am psychic!
Yesterday, the day after I wrote the post, I was in the elevator and it bounced and made a ping then a crunch. I said Gah!
I got off the elevator to see 10 people standing around the other 'vator which had two people trapped inside. It took a while to get them out. I wonder if they received cash and prizes.

7/15/2006 12:15:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home