Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Bloods and Crips ain't got nothing on the Woodland Mafia!

I am having all sorts of irrational fears that someone is going to hit my car, or a tree will fall on it during these crazy storms. The other night I was driving down MacArthur Blvd. and had slowed down for some reason. I was glad because up ahead was a gang of deer. NW's branch of the Woodland Mafia. As they stared me down, daring me to do something stupid so they could justify getting me, I trembled in fear and brought the car to a complete stop. They shook their heads as they muttered something like "we thought so". Then they shot me one last glare to keep me terrified as they meandered off to wreak havoc elsewhere. I swear that I am on the hit list!
Is it not enough that I have already been their target 3 times?

1. I was in the back seat of my mother's station wagon with my uncle driving. We had already taken out what I believe was the WL (Woodland) Mafia's sentry (a small furry critter I can only assume may have been an opossum or a raccoon). Then, out of the blue, jumped a deer into the hood of the car and was smashed. Totalled the car. I could see the rest of the WL Mafia high-hoofing each other as their suicide runner completed her mission.

2. I was driving in a rental Cavalier down I95 to visit some friends in NC. I was travelling along at a fair clip as the speed limits are higher there. Suddenly I plowed into a deer. The airbag smashed me in the face and I thought the deer had come through the windshield. I felt for the grassy median under my tires and sputtered to a stop. While I choked through the cornstarch that the airbags release, I hunted down my phone, which had gone flying during the incident. Someone finally stopped and checked on me. I decided that I needed to make sure the gang banger was dead. The front leg was sheared off. I went to look for it (the leg). Need I mention that I was in shock? I stepped on a stick and the terrifying thought that I had indeed found the leg prompted me to stop looking and return to the car. Meanwhile, some boys in a pickem-up truck came by to retrieve the deer for dinner. (Seriously). The tow truck came later to retrieve the dead Cavalier.

3. I was leaving Front Royal and noticed a WLM congregation ahead. I slammed on my brakes, and gently nudged one out of the way. I could see his little deer lips moving, saying "You're a marked woman, Bug. We are gonna git you!"

I really don't want to be gotten by a deer. But you understand my fears, right?


Anonymous Matt Boyd said...

That's an inauspicious start to a road trip . . . be careful!

6/20/2008 08:36:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Definitely a manifest of the WLM plot to destroy all buggers! On 6/17/08 further south on I-95 around Exit 9 or so, I encountered an executive member of the WLM. There must be a death-by-association memo out... Iblew the horn 4-5 times and he/she hobbled its way back from where it came. JUST BLOW THE FREAKEN HORN NEXT TIME! !

6/20/2008 02:31:00 PM  
Blogger Buggie said...

Horn. Got it! Thanks

6/21/2008 10:10:00 AM  

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