Hollywood Week

First of all, I want you all to appreciate that I watched American Idol and took notes all the while hovering on my sofa in a bizarre manner, attempting not to let any of my damaged bits touch anything. Also, on this note, I hit my head a couple of times so if something I wrote does not make sense, blame the ice on the steps.

Hollywood Week!
This is usually my favorite part of AI. I love the stress and I love the way the personalities show up during the group performance rehearsals. I love how some people can absolutely not refrain from partying and then fall apart on stage. (Or totally rock it and then you KNOW they have star potential, but will end up in the hospital due to "exhaustion" before too long). Hollywood week has changed.

Now they are allowing the contestants to play musical instruments. I love this! I feel like one week should be the contestants performing a song that was written and composed by one of the contestants. Even if a performer is not a song writer, they can get a song from a co-performer. You know the song writer will only give out their best stuff because they are still being represented. Great idea, don't you think? I am claiming ownership to it here and if AI wants to use it, they have to give me one million dollars.

First up: Brooke Light. She has a Tori Amos thing going for her. I kind of like her. (They compared her to Carly Simon. Yeah.) If she does not make it in music, maybe John Frieda could use her as a before model for his Frizz Ease product.

The judges love her. 1 million percent! I hate this. We get it. You like her. 100%, 1,000% 1,000,000%!!!! Shut up.

"You have the stage presence of a flea". -Simon. Nice. But what is he trying to say? Some fleas have a ton of presence. Flea circus stars, for example... Fleas are annoying. That must be what he was saying.

Okay, I'm 15 minutes in and I am bored. (The fact that this thought passed through my mind in a British accent is disturbing. Am I channelling Simon, or Britney?) The contestants don't have the fearful look of a cornered rabbit and that makes me sad.

What the hell is Paula wearing? Some sort of chunky silver bolero type cardigan? It's falling off of her shoulders. Hmm, and she only dances when she sees the camera is on her. Oh! And she just 100 trazillion percented. It's on!

Amanda Overmyer: Rock N'Roll nurse. I am afraid she is one dimensional. But damn, there is something I like about her despite her hair. Man, she would have given Grace Slick a run for her money 40 years ago. Randy thinks she's unique, but Simon agrees with me. (As usual.)

Okay, got another glimpse of Paula's ensemble. Apparently she has a bouquet of those Playtex training bra rosettes gracing her bosom. Hot!

What's this? We are already having celebrity guests on the show? But Antonio Banderas should simply stick to being Puss in Boots, and omigod how I love Puss in Boots. (Okay, so he's not Antonio, but if you have not figured out that I call people by the name of the celebrity they resemble, you should not read my languid writings anymore).

Another glimpse, Paula appears to be bedazzled. I wonder if she did it herself.

Barack is leading the VA Primary by 61%, but I choose him one million kazillion %.

The kid who lived in the car, Josiah; I can see him being the newest Blues clues guy. His blue t-shirt may have had something to do with that assessment. I can see him as a host of some kids show. Not an AI. I hate his vibrato. And his hair. And the fact that he is infected by the Madonna/Britney virus that makes Americans British.

Hey guys, Jessica Alba had her baby! It's a boy. He is already about 16 and wears colored contacts. (Danny Noreiga)

I don't know about this group. Maybe my fall affected my hearing, but they all sound off-key to me. And they are flying through.

Boy, this assessment is loooooong and I am not even halfway through. Sigh. And look, the Irish girl is part chow. She has a blue tongue. They ALL have blue tongues. What the hell is going on?

NO MORE BRYAN ADAMS! What did he ever do to the producers of American Idol? Where is Bryan Adams anyway? Bet the Canadians still rock out to him. Rock on, Canada.

Time warp: Hillary Clinton used to be a boy named Kyle. She went forward into the future and auditioned for American Idol. Oh, she's in! Go Kyle. Nothing like the nerd vote. Worked for that chicken little guy a couple of seasons ago.

I hate singers who use a lot of theatrics in their singing. I also hate when people end a word with that hiccupy ha! But luckily that guy is cut and hopefully I won't ever have to ever hear that ever again. Ever.

This new way of cutting people is brutal, but I like it. I miss the stress of the group performances. My goodness, I am a sadist.

I have a pick for now. I am not certain she has the pipes or the personality to hang on to it, though. Kristy Lee Cook. She is adorable.

Side bar: Whatever happened to Brian Dinkelman? Does he watch the show? Does the success of this show piss him off to no end. Hold on. I have to look him up. Well, his name is DUnkelman. Oops. Oh, he was on Ghost Whisperer. He's doing fine. We don't have to worry about him.

NO MORE BRYAN ADAMS! Seriously! What, is he running for Prime Minister? Is this his way back into the public eye? Stop it.

Ugh, Hillary (Kyle) sang Josh Grobin... and made it through. Ugh. Am I the only person who would rather listen to Roseanne Barr sing the National Anthem on helium than Josh Grobin??

Syesha is pretty. And she is totally Simon's type. (Look at his girlfriend and the girl he totally fawned over season 1- Christina Christian). I like her. She reminds me a little of Samaire Armstrong.

And once again, Australia delivers. Well done Down Under! Thank you for Michael Johns.

The escaped Corrs sibling makes a stupid singing face. She could be good, but I am not sold on her. I guess I won't send her back to Ireland yet.

Okay, I have to go watch tonight's AI. Update you on it tomorrow. Whether you like it or not. Hope you got me something for Valentine's Day.