Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Why I eat processed foods

I am finally embracing the notion that I need to stop eating a box of Krispy Kremes for dinner and perhaps find some foods with nutrients, aka not foodstuffs. I headed over to Trader Joe’s and bought blackberries. Delicious, antioxidant laden blackberries. Yum. I washed them in my haphazard way and set to eating them while perched upon the yellow couch. Four berries in, I look at the fruit and notice a wee little white speck. What could that be? Squinting, and holding the berry close to my face, I see it wiggle and flip the frak out.

I ran into the kitchen to throw the offending blackberry away. I gathered the rest and faced a dilemma. I just spent four bucks on these treats. Am I going to be undone by a little worm? I hemmed and hawed and bit and finally opted to soak the berries in water. Perhaps I could drown those little bastards and then resume my enjoyment. I looked into the water and a single worm wiggled its way to the surface. I watched as it squirmed, wishing it a horrible death. I let the berries soak for hours. When I returned home from my improv class, I reinvestigated. No new worms, and the floating worm seemed to have passed from this world into the next. I went to bed, leaving the berries free to release any other prisoners they may be harboring.

This morning, I went to parole the worms (into the garbage disposal) and I realized that my willpower is not enough to overcome a long standing phobia of worms. Discovering that wee little worm, after eating a couple of blackberries, was enough to make me itchy and imaginative all afternoon. I could see the worms growing in my body, until they finally grew to the point at which they needed to come out. They would surface through my skin anywhere they happened to be and I would become the freak worm faced girl. No thanks.

Kripsy Kremes don’t have worms.