Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Geez...

Marci told me about this thing where people are telling ten people, anonomously, what they would never say to their faces. I have to do what she does, 'cause hell, she is my best friend. Rereading what I wrote, I realized some things about me, but I did not change what I wrote. This is straight from the heart and the brain and all that. Sorry it is not funny. But it is a little cathartic.

The rules: List ten things you want to say to people you know but never will, for whatever reason. Don't say who they are. Use each person only once.


I love and respect you so much, but I am afraid that I will never be able to live up to being the person you want and expect me to be. I wish I felt that that still made me good enough.

I wish you would stand up for me and tell him that I am not whatever he thinks I am. I am sick of trying to demonstrate my good points, when nothing good I do will ever be acknowledged by him.

While I think your children are fantastic and I adore your spouse, you are not as great as you think you are. I think you should stop thumping your beliefs at other people and expand your mind to see that other lifestyles have as much, if not more validity than this lifestyle you are living. Get off the goddamn phone, and be a part of your family.

I can’t believe you still want to be friends with me after how mean I have been to you for so long. You have the sweetest heart, but the dumbest brain I have ever encountered. Can’t you learn from your experiences? You frustrate the hell out of me.

I wish you had more time for me.

I love you with my entire soul. I can't understand why I feel like I need to justify myself to you sometimes, when you generally get me better than anyone in the world.

You have no right to be as caustic as you are. You do nothing to forward your life. Appreciate her. Treat her with respect. She does more for you than anyone should and I can guarantee you don’t deserve it. So stop being the most selfish dickweed on the planet.

You have no right to whine and complain as much as you do. You have been so blessed. I wish you would attack life with fervor instead of standing around complaining about it while hoping someone will save you. Only you can change your life, and you know that. Stop being such a chicken and live, already.

I can’t remember you. I know you were there, but it’s like I saw you at a party but never got a chance to speak with you and then you left. So many things are left unsaid. How different would I be were you still around.

I don’t understand a single thing you do. I wish that you would leave me alone. I have not quite come to grips with the fact that I still love you, but don’t like you.

Friday, May 19, 2006

The highlight of my day

I got the tip of my shoe caught in my pants leg and fell up the stairs.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

You're neat!

John Spencer died December 16, 2005. The West Wing came to a halt last week. In memory of both the great actor and the great show (at least the first couple seasons.) I want to relay what I am sure touched the man's heart deep in the cockles and became a favored anecdote for him to share on talk shows and with his friends.

Funeral service for Mrs. Landingham. West Wing set. It was Saturday, April 28, 2001. Washington Cathedral, Washington, DC. I had just come from the craft service table, my hands laden with Twizzlers and M&M's. I was walking forward, looking behind me at the treats I had left behind when suddenly my shoulder landed squarely on another. BAM! I mumbled sorry, while trying to maintain the precious equilibrium of the candy in my hands. Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of who I had savagely checked. LEO MCGARRY! Why he is my favorite character. Normally, I am not the player of the fan role, but I could not stop myself. He walked past me and I poked him with my little finger right in the shoulder I had so abused but a moment before. "Hey!", I said.
He turned to look at me and said, "yes?"
Panic! Um.. Don't say it!
"You're neat!"
He said thanks without a change of expression and walked on (maybe to the craft service table?).


I still think you are neat, Mr. Spencer. Hope Heaven is all it's cracked up to be.