Ah Bugger

The vapid utterings of a neurotic mind.

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Location: DC, United States

I ain't too proud to bug.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

That is so groinular. FOR REAL!

Oh glorious night of girls out! Jen and Marci and I met out tonight. We found a new place on the Hill and managed to score rockstar parking right out front. I think it's cause we are so pretty. Marci thinks so too. I got hit on by the door guy. Jen got hit on by scary married guy who thinks it is a great idea to sleep with non-spousal girls. We told him he sucks and to beat it. Then Marci and I went to a neighborhood bar where we met these random arseholes. The one guy, [name], tried to hang out with us and we blew him off. He then told us that he was getting married and this was his bachelor week. We were like oohh.... great, ya limp handshaker... Beat it! Then he came back and told us that we were the reason he was getting married. And we said OH NO! Except not really. We kind of did not care so much. Or at all... So good luck marrying your loser girlfriend, ya loser. Then he kept coming back...with gifts... Um, we are the reason you are getting married... GO AWAY! No? Oh, you wanna tell me how great my ass is? Oh, I am a bitch. Swell. What the hell is going on? Why Does he keep coming back? You hate us. We don't care. Beat it.
Then the lights came on. Yikes. The horror. Then we went home and I am making Marci spend the night. And she is making me really strong screwdrivers. NO, you can't spoon me, Marci. I am saving myself for... . Okay, maybe just a little snuggle... (sorry Mama, and Aunt Gloria... This is what booze and a broken heart will do..)

Marci loves everyone, except [name]...

Friday, May 06, 2005

Happy Cinco de Mayo

¡Happy Cinco de Mayo, mis amigos! ¡Es otro día de emborrachar al azarese yo participaría cariñosamente adentro, aunque no tengo ningunaidea qué estoy celebrando! Amo el quinto día de mayo. ¡Es el mejor díaadentro puede sangría de Wooooo! ¡Yay, tacos!

Translation available though altavista bable fish

Original message:
Happy Cinco de Mayo, my friends! It is another day of random boozingthat I would lovingly participate in, even though I have no idea whatI am celebrating! I love the fifth day of May. It is the best day inMay. Wooooo Sangria! Yay, tacos!

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Party of one

What is up with the girls that have been engaged a mazillion times? What is it about them? Are there some people that are just more marryable than others?
Is marryable even a word?
I am 31 and a half years old. I have never been engaged. I have only been proposed to once and that was by a leathery 30+ guy who was a day trader from LA who happened to meet me at a Hawaiian Tropic Pageant in Las Vegas. I am not sure why he proposed, or how serious he was. But that was the only time I have been proposed to.
I want to get married. I want to cook dinner for my fella and rub his feet and make him feel good about himself. But somehow I am lacking that "girlfriend" gene or that marryable gene. (there's that word again.) I guess I would not mind if I understood what was so fundamentally unappealing about me. Maybe not unappealing, but what was lacking in me that people want in a mate?
Hell, I have heard more excuses as to why people don't want to be with me than I have ever gotten requests for dates. And, not to blow my own horn or anything, I am kind of cute. I would like to think I am nice, and (maybe this is the big problem, because I think too much) I am not an idiot.
What is it guys are looking for? I have no idea. Maybe someone can fill me in.
But, if I hear one more time "It's not you, it's me." I am going to hurt someone.

5 down...5 letters... cr_zy...?

When things are stressing me out, I do crossword puzzles or color in a coloring book. Don't make fun. I know it is unusual. There is something about filling in the various blocks with color that is soothing. It is such a mindless activity and it calms me. I like to use the crayons that have really rich pigment like denim or burnt sienna. When I am done with the page, it takes a bit of the pain from me. I think by focusing all of my attention on something so inane, it helps me deal with issues I don't truly want to face and helps me comprehend my feelings. If not that, then it takes me away from my pain for a few minutes. When my dad died, I was constantly doing crossword puzzles. It was almost like if I could finish the puzzle, I would keep the reality away from me of what I had lost. Coloring in a coloring book, or doing a crossword puzzle stops the constant hammering of thought in my head. If something is truly bothering me, then I can't stop thinking about it, analyzing it, yet never coming to any conclusions. I just beat myself up. I don't want to think so much.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Hello, my name is...

In a huge crowd is where I am sometimes the loneliest. All those faces that I don't know have lives, stories, histories that I have no concept of. They are just faces that I don't know. I feel like a voyeur watching their interactions. I see a mother hold her child, a couple touch, friends laugh. I watch. I may never see them again, but for a fleeting moment, they were in my life. I like to be invisible, sometimes. I like to look into strangers' lives and see what others have and do and feel. It's such a simplicity, the way people interact with one another. It is a strange feeling to be in the middle of it all and not be involved in any way. But in the same vein, it makes me melancholy. It's lonely being a watcher.

I have also been the watched. It's a completely different experience. It's all encompassing to be actively involved in a moment, in a situation. You don't have time to witness things because you are too busy experiencing them.

I think I appreciate the moments in which I am involved because I have appreciated the things I am not involved in.

(But I have got a long way to go, because I still get lonely in a crowd.)